


Fearless On My Breath

by lachowskii



Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, Celebrities & Real People - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Abuse, Adult Content, Drama, F/M, Infidelity, Original Character Death(s), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1900602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lachowskii/pseuds/lachowskii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth is out of town and meets an intriguing female named Brooke whose approach keeps him interested. Meanwhile, knowing what she's been hiding Seth steps out her life before he grows an attachment to her. Unfortunately, that won't last for long until they meet again and it puts Seth in a battle of lust and eventual regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Well, the usual saying. I don't know Seth Macfarlane. I don't know him personally on any level. I only own the concept of this story and the original characters.
> 
> **Since my account is no longer going to be active and this is my final decision as of April 2017. I've given up on writing and sharing content online.**
> 
> **I strongly wanted to continue more for this but I think I lost more concepts or scenarios to finish so I think it's best to leave this to ideation. Please note, none of my fics reflect Seth in any way. He was always a mere add-on for which all my fics and concepts were made months before I decided to include him in them and put them on the internet. I don't write anything fantasy-like I always enjoyed trying to make them blatant and realistic as possible.**
> 
> **Thank you to anyone who has read my fics as well. Thank you it will always be greatly appreciated.**

She just aimed for relief to be thrown off her shoulders. That in an adult life maybe she could pack up her baggage and ship it somewhere off into yonder. To a place with no name and no way to ever get it back. She closed her eyes tight in the red leather chair and sat there with watery green eyes. She's gotten past the worst part that is the currency of her own self neglect. She'd capture a moment that was precious to her heart and with everything else was so difficult.

If she loved herself she wouldn't have had to run every person out of her life. If she loved herself she wouldn't be sitting here like a mess of the unknown with bruises and self hatred. The way she runs out on her problems for sex and complications. She sits here across from her therapist to say things that may be her last words. That may be her last chance to face herself even if her future is unknown.

She wasn't going to cry rivers for the sake of it. She was built up on frustration and cried out for a hope to stop her pain. This pain that has reached no end. Pushing her long brown hair behind her ears trying to clear her throat.

Brooke finally look up into her therapist eyes and he's sitting across from her feeling like a bed of nails.

"Do you not have contact with family anymore?" Said the man calmly that did nothing but make Brooke feel more frustrated.

He would know. He should know his patient more than anything. When was the last time Brooke even decide to step into his office. She had to have good reasons to be here. To express her past pain. She did nothing but cry and speak in between trying to catch her breath. Stating she did have family but she stopped talking to her parents for years. 

"Why is that?" Said the curious man who made Brooke roll her eyes now.

The way she shook her right leg in a system of disgust. She didn't want to spill out things of her past. She felt a weight off her shoulders now with having to state such things. Her parents being the open relationship type. To be married and have sexual relations with others. They were open to this with Brooke and of course then there was her brother Brendon. Their parents were wealthy while one was a psychologist and another an account.

Brooke could easily remember one late night holding her younger brother that she's only five years ahead of in her arms. How the vivid pictures were clear when they'd watch them in bed with their curiosity from the bedroom door peaking in. Their parents sharing each other with strangers in the bedroom with all kinds of mysteries and kinks. _'Mommy and Daddy are just playing around'_ is the speech they'd get as little ones but when they gotten into teen years there eyes started to open. It was evident by this time coming home one evening and stepping out into the spacious backyard and full size pool was her mom and her gym teacher from seventh grade in the jacuzzi. Actually mom was sitting with her feet in the pool, legs spread and his face was in a place she didn't want to repeat. 

The thoughts of them plays out. When there are over hundreds of images she can't escape from they all scan across her head to view bringing this up. She thinks nights in her time now when she'd cried because Brendon was always traumatized by everything. 

Normality is what anyone succumbs to. Her normal was being with her brother as kids and trying to hang out at the mall on weekends dreading that school days were so useless. Or they spend time at libraries getting an idea on what their life was going to be. The fantasy that her brother was going to grow old and be in a healthy mind state but he never will be. Neither was she. Both in professions to capture lies behind reality because now a fucked up childhood as put on a strain on the adult world.

"How is your brother doing? Brendon, any contact with him?"

Cold distance is all it is now. He let go of her five months ago when all the time he gotten older she was taking care of him. He's was just a kid who grew close to his sister. In ways she did take of him because mom and dad were so caught up in themselves. The pressure of taking care of another but it all change when he was trying to protect her. Protecting her from her idiot husband who was leaving marks on her like no tomorrow.

The strangeness of it all when she wanted to keep it a secret. When her conscious speaks to claim she likes it. 

Brooke went ahead and mistreated her lips and lungs with three more cigarettes after having to explain her life now that she feels is even more fucked up than before. 

"Why do you think you deserve what your husband does to you now? Why didn't you decide to leave when you felt the chance?"

She hates these type of questions. The pointless concept of shame that you can see when asked something like this. When really their is never a clear answer. She's not gonna say any type of shit that's typical. She wasn't in love but the idea that she felt everything had a reason. It wasn't until way back when he'd used his hands and sour words beat her down. She'd never cry for help but her brother insisted she'd help herself. When it returned to reign hell on her she'd just suck it up and take endless pain and private pleasure.

Unfortunately, she met Seth and thought it would change. He was one of her private pleasures and still a stranger. Maybe something would be an awakening and all she has is a fault brain working in a low mindful state. That's when she wanted to fall out of this red leather chair and break down. She knew she hit rock bottom with the thought of her and Seth began to quiet her words. 

"What was it about Seth you liked?"

She liked the idea of him. A guy who wanted and could see so much but the denial piercing in his eyes. His only answer to her was to pacify her needs knowing the out come. Isn't it lovely. Contradicting everything she says and so at the end it won't mean a thing. It was never a thing. Something she knew that hurt his heart.

One thing was she liked fucking him. When she got the chance and she finally got away with letting him give into her non attachment relations she didn't know she fucked him up in the process. His way of caring, like she felt mattered by someone. She screwed it up into a dark place where she felt suffocated. Like she couldn't breathe and struggling to let her body soak up reality. 

Her blatant reasons of wanting to breathe in his neck and taste his tongue were never reasonable. Parts of her weak and not so sane. Her ride in this world was bearing her own happiness and dragging people in. Like an empty sea shell on top of a mountain also dead inside and lifeless. In all her doings she was never going to look for a cliche perfect ending. Those don't exist. Her choices is all she can see and deal with. She wasn't a fool to believe it wasn't the truth. How things began so simple and so tragically complicated.

Tragic enough that there is no ending in life. Just left unfinished and non existent.


	2. After Hours

He'll sit in the chair and grin at every beautiful face stepping in from of him. This beautiful night he could see at the window next to his right how the moon was hanging high in the sky. Seattle looked quite creepy at night. Soft subtle voices speaking amongst themselves. Seth checked his phone and saw he had twenty minutes left and this meet and greet would be over soon. He was in no rush what so ever. He was very much liking sitting here in the lobby of this beautiful Seattle Theater. He was just done perhaps swooning a few females who were now in line wanting an album signed. They asked a few questions and even asked for pictures.

He'd tap his fingers on the table and get another stack of albums before being approach by another fan. A fan who was more interesting than one he ever met. How she stood in front him and her eyes spoke that she looked like some girl on a mission. Seth getting lost in her green eyes with hints of brown. How her low cut black dress with lace patterns should have been the highlight but her eyes spoke the most. How they immediately hit his and his glare was never leaving hers. 

"Well, how are you sweetheart?"

"I'm great. Now that I get to meet you."

"Yeah?" Said Seth raising a brow. "Well, I'm currently all yours so what's your name?" He sat there with his permanent marker ready to write in album.

"My name is Brooke. I'm actually not here for an album though."

"Really? Well, what exactly are you here for then?"

He didn't want to know the real answer or reason. She wasn't gonna be strictly bold enough to say what she wanted but let him give into something else.

"I know usually fans want to take pictures with you but would you mind if I took some of you here?"

Seth a bit sparked by the question but he proceeded.

"So you just want to take some pictures of me? Not with me? May I ask you why?"

"Well the question is, why not?" She said with a look that had Seth questioning himself.

It was quite odd. Felt like he was more on display randomly than ever. He told himself _'what the hell'_ and sat up in the chair while he never got a chance to get ready. Brooke stood few inches from the table to snap some shots of him. She didn't expect it like a photo shoot or expect anything of perfection. Just Seth being Seth. That was all. He's all off guard and blushing like a maniac. She liked this, all of this, in person. His head lifting up to look into her Nikon camera and his smile that wrinkled his eyes. 

So much radiating from his appearance and it's all she wanted to capture. 

"Well, did you get what you came for?" Seth was still smiling. Quite big and Brooke could tell she made this man feel anxious.

"Yes, I did. Thanks a lot I think these are great. You also have a wonderful smile."

"You have a wonderful smile too." 

It was quite true. Brooke had a smile that could fill the darkest dwellings with such a glow. How she kept a sexy smirk stepping closer to the table.

"Yeah maybe so but yours have this real happiness behind it. It shows and I like that."

"And yours don't?" He spoke, close to her face and watching her lips.

"No because I hide a lot behind my smile." 

She said and her eyes dropped to the table because her answer was the truth. Seth felt this was a whole new light first meeting such a beautiful female. This passion in her voice and language of tone had him curious. Brooke knew she was holding up the rest of these waited guests long enough as she looked at the line behind her. 

"Well, It was great to meet you Mr. Macfarlane. You have a nice night."

Seth did nothing but nod and watched her walk down the hall to the front door. He should kick himself in the gut being so mesmerized by one female. How she stepped out into the silent night he didn't want to see her go actually. He had at-least ten more minutes left of signing and spend the rest of his alone time off here in this cold city. It was like he had never seen a beautiful female before but he has plenty of times. He rolled his eyes and told himself to get a grip because she was probably wasn't interested in a serious matter. To be honest, even if she wasn't Seth felt this inviting aura about her.

Meanwhile, Brooke has stepped outside in the cold evening that was about to be a new day she walked across the street to this small cafe. Teenagers up and wired on coffee and people pretending to be writing something on laptops are up at this late Friday night. Brooke glanced above at the menu because she didn't know she'd be making a decision of ice or hot coffee. Something sweet like a doughnut or danish to go with it but a simple cup of dark roast was fine.

Nights this calm seemed to send her on the edge. The tapping of her fingers against her hot cup as she was about have a seat by the window she was stopped by a man. A face she was more than enough familiar with. She just shook her head and sat her camera on the table facing a man she didn't feel like dealing with. 

"Can I help you Mark?"

He sat across from her, helping himself to her cup of coffee. His scruff and messy hair was all too much of remembrance while she looked into his dark eyes. His lips sipping away at her coffee and she definitely isn't thirsty anymore.

"Why can't we just talk a bit? I been needing to see you Brooke."

"I have nothing to say to you. Like literally nothing to say. If you came here to make a --"

"I don't wanna cause any trouble. Although, you raising your voice, just might." He said interrupting her sentence because her voice was getting heightened. 

Taking her hand and watching her eyes but she looked away. Her stomach was turning with passion and it's a shame just by the appearance of him was making her hand shake.

"What is it with you? You don't answer my calls nor my texts like I've done something wrong."

Brooke let out a humorless and painful laugh. How could he say hard, heavy hands on her would make any situation better. Brooke knew she wasn't up for this. To ever get married and get around with anyone where she fit. Weeks ago she walked into the house and his fist hit her jaw knowing she had slept around. Her life of being caught up in other men but here she sits across from one that refuses to let her go. Own her or claim her in ways that make her hide behind her profession every day.

"I'm not about to go through this shit with you. Especially not here anyway. You need to leave."

"You're coming back home whether you like it or not. You can have that nice little loft up downtown with your brother and all --" His words stop while grabbing Brooke by the arm. She tried to stand her to walk away and not listen to this shit. To just walk away and single him out but his grip on her was tight. "You'll be back Brooke. You always come back. You'll see other men won't make you happy like I can."

If one way you're to look at things,, is that maybe he'd be sad or forgiving but Brooke knew way before she couldn't commit. Maybe he'd just settle with divorce but that didn't work. Maybe she thought it was okay but that was another side of her guilt that always said it's deserving. Even if it was one time but the possessiveness of Mark was never going to end. 

"Get your fucking hands off me. Now." She spoke and so calm not in any way demanding because she never needed to be the dramatic one.

He just raised his arms because there was a couple right next to them listening and watching. 

His hands pulled her to him and his fingertips slowly touching the curve of her back. "These events and galas you got going on is all good for you but do know you wouldn't have any of it if it wasn't for my company anyhow. So go ahead, have your fun. Hell, I don't even care that you're on a date either. You will be mine come next week." 

That's when she felt nothing. Her eyes closed and felt his words on her. Sticking and never leaving or peeling off. She searched in her head wondering.

"What the hell do you mean date? I'm not on a date?"

She looked to turn around but Mark wasn't there. Seth was standing behind her though, a few feet away and she needed to re check her attitude. I guess he thought Seth look as he stepped in relieved to see her imposed something.

"You again?" She said but in a pretty sarcastic way smiling.

"You've had enough of me?"

"I haven't had you at all really. So you want a cup of coffee?"

"It's kind of late but I believe this belonged to you?"

A portfolio of photos in all ways of culture. Seth scanned through a few but the name inside said Brooke Collins and he figured it had to belong to her.

"Shit. Thank you. I must of sat this down when I took photos of you. You're pretty awesome giving this back to me."

"Well, I certainly wasn't going to keep it."

They stood in a stance of silence but Seth had to ask her a question.

"Are you okay? That guy you were talking to, was he giving you any trouble?"

"No. He's nobody important. Trust me."

A lie off her tongue and even though this is just a first name basis situation Seth should still know Mark is her husband. Her fear of the unknown keeps her mouth shut and him interested. She walks out, passing Seth to sit down the street on a bench. Not waiting for no one but just some fresh air and simplicity for once. Although, Mark and his stalker stance threw her off a bit she's putting a cigarette to her mouth and noticing Seth was sitting next to her.

"I don't you as a person Seth but I'd say you like me."

She put her pack of Marlboro Reds out to him and offered him a smoke and a lighter.

"Why'd you say that?"

"Well, you didn't walk down here to the bench for no reason. So which one is it then?"

He blew smoke to his left, away from her face and sat closer to her. "I don't think I follow?" 

It was cute actually because he looked clueless but her answer had his face flustered with the quickness.

"Well, it's either something you must like about me or you want to fuck me?"

Since a man's dick always speaks louder than any bullshit that comes off there tongues. What is it about men that finds something or someone sexy and they always follow there cock. The first feeling before anything. Seeing someone attractive and in an instant wanting whatever it is between the legs of a beautiful female that catches there eye. Most men won't wait, to even see if it's good or act on it safely. Most men aren't even as bold as she is to question him on it.

Seth threw his bud out into the curb. Laughed it off but he would be a complete asshole to say it isn't true that it's both. Yeah, he sure did tell her both. As much as seeing her legs crossed and tighten as she put another cigarette to her mouth. Her playful game and even her husband knew this was how she liked it. Seeing how she only met, first interesting meet he's had since his past twenty four hours in Seattle and he sits in a grey suit thinking should it get messy tonight.

He's had plenty of them like her that may seem like their easy but he think he might just know Brooke a little better than that. 

"Besides all that, I find you interesting and beautiful as hell."

"I've heard all that before. So what would you say that I find you hot as hell?"

The real laughter begins but she was serious.

"Well, I'm not hot. I don't even know how to be hot."

The soft look on his face and denial hiding behind his smile she knew this man must be delusional. Brooke wouldn't have made her way down here to take photos of him if she thought he wasn't. The way he squints his eyes like her comment was stupid. Like he didn't think he was attractive to anyone. Did he not see the line of females who were anxious to shake his hand, have a picture and watch him sing on a grand stage. Honestly, the man could sing anything and still have a full house of all people watching him. Even if the majority not only find him good looking but extremely talented as well.

"So what did you mean by what you said earlier? You hide a lot behind your smile. Which is gorgeous by the way."

Brooke putting her hair behind her ears and clearing her throat. "I don't think you'd want to know the meaning behind that. Some things are better left unsaid. Don't you think?"

Seth let that repeat in his head over and over again but it all made sense. He probably shouldn't have asked since it seems a bit touchy. Brooke has this liveliness about her, it's in her voice and the way she walks in these heels and in this dress. She's mostly not alive inside but the great thing about hiding behind masks of all kinds is never showing true colors. Definitely, not so quickly because people tend to run the other way. If not now, eventually they do. 

She gives Seth a pink note and stands before him, bends her head down a bit where her lips almost touches his.

"I take it you might want to meet again? I can see it you've been wanting to ask me since we were at the cafe. So, take this. Perhaps we'll hang out."

It was all well and good since his trip here were for memories. Take a random city, book a show and have some memories that LA. has given him enough of. The fact he might get this with someone else. Excites him in a lot of ways.

"I'm only in Seattle for a few more days."

"That's good." Brooke said walking down the street and her body is given off shadows from the street lights. "Because so am I."


	3. In The Night Air

The weather was tolerable which made Seth;s day to himself a great one and he promised himself he wouldn't end it with him stumbling. He had no reason to chase his mouth with drink after drink. Today was a fine day for him. He breathed deeply and had to realize how fortunate days like these are. It's when you'd like to get up at any hour of the day but this doesn't happen often. He was up as early as he saw the sunrise. Spent his day on coffee and a light lunch while just walking the streets.

Seth met all kinds of people and more photographs than the night before. More hand shaking , smiling and laughter. Some of these events were putting him out of his way but he remembered he still had that pink note. That same pink note from the night before while he talked in heat with a brunette named Brooke. He didn't dream of her but he went back to his hotel with her in mind. Everything was such a mystery. His time here itself was still one, while he made his way to downtown Seattle and introduced to these brilliant lofts. 

The pink note guided him to an address and even with a phone number he didn't want to call. Be spontaneous for once in his life. He made his way up the stairs as he walked slowly because a voice sounded noticeable. Screaming perhaps, arguing and he second guessed if he wanted to knock on the door. Either that or stand here listening to what was a man and woman arguing. Coming from the door address given on this note.

"It was just that one time alright?" Brooke was hoping her brother would lighten up about her husband. First class tool who thought it was okay to put his hands on her. Brendon just sat there on the couch, hands in his hair not understanding why his sister was sounding so delusional to back up that piece of shit. She couldn't be serious to say it was just one time. One time is all it takes and you'd think the last time Brendon saw the bastard he'd back off. He wasn't going to watch someone hurt the most important person in his life. 

"Brooke you're not going to stay here and defend that asshole. I won't allow it!" Her brother was more of wreck than she was. He was now in his room searching shirt after shit and watching her pace past the door like someone is after her. "Why the hell do you keep pacing back and forth like that. Jesus fucking Christ!"

His voice getting higher and she just went to the kitchen for a glass of water and a cigarette. She wanted to keep this from her brother but her bruises were so bad that one time was enough to make him protective of her. How she was scared, shocked, like it was a horror flick flashing before her and she was young innocent child. Shivering in a corner like someone was out to get her. The image replays too much seeing her after weeks when Brendon couldn't get in contact with her. Blood down her face because she fell out of love with Mark. She'd screw any man she met with the mindset forgetting she even had Mark to begin. 

"I don't mean to yell at you. I just don't believe you think any of this shit is okay. I can't allow for you to get hurt. Just think what Mom and Dad would say if they knew this shit."

He wanted her to promise him if Mark ever came around she'd let him know. Unfortunately, she kept her mouth close by the event that happened last night.

Taking his sister by the hand but she just reject the kind gesture. Yelling again, crying again, screaming again and it's all the same shit. She's going to ruin herself and her name for a love that isn't right. He just shook his head at her and not up for this same controversial statements over and over again. It's getting late and he doesn't want to be around this now. He grabbed his jacket heading for the door to open it and find Seth sort of just standing there.

"Who the hell is this?" Brendon stated, in sharp tone because in his idea he was hoping this isn't some guy she's fucking in his loft. Seth standing there mouth a bit opened and wondered why did he wait there the whole time without knocking. Maybe if he acted like he just got there and hadn't been listening things would seem cooler.

Brooke walked around to stick her head out of the door to see the expected guess. "Oh, that Seth. Seth Macfarlane actually so you might want to lower your voice Brendon."

"I know who the hell he is. He does the voices and shit. Why are you at my apartment door?"

"Because he's here to see me." Her answer wasn't a great one that got her the death glare from her brother. He didn't even want to go at it. He see Seth say hello, scoffed and walked on out. 

"Don't mind him Seth. I'm glad you stopped by. Is it too late to hang out?"

Good that she could throw on a nice denim bustier to go with black leggings. She wasn't up for a fancy evening, well at least not style wise. She just suggested Seth was to step in and make himself at home. In which he did while taking a good view of the place. The lights and skyline from her balcony. The modern and rustic nature of this loft was too die for. Most importantly the spacious rooms and art pieces everywhere. Collections, sculptures and paintings. Things her and her brother created. Soft colors as accents and everything looks lovely to him.

A nice pop out piece was a chair of the color teal in her sitting area that was all white walls and yellow couches and stools. Although this wasn't technically her home, her brother had some ideal tastes.

It didn't take Brooke long for a nice red lipstick and extra add-ons for makeup that she would tell Seth he didn't need to worry about tonight. He didn't expect a nice drive for about thirty minutes she would have him in an art gallery. It was her life, everything about her and her escapism. Seth listened to just about everything in between her flirty eyes and flirty gestures. He's all ears to her and her hand touches his thigh occasionally because the idea of what she wants is so clear. 

This was something definitely new for him. The last place he'd ever be is in an art gallery but Brooke promised they can go out for drinks afterwards. Seth can always go for some liquor although he's being greeted with champagne for the next hour or so..

"Art is cool but I really don't have a eye for any of this shit." He said as they both laughed. He showed an admiration to her liking of such beautiful creations.

Her glossed lips were moving away as they were in this venue filled with people who loved art as much as she does. They chat softly while in his head he wanted to touch her, hold her waist but this wasn't a date. Not in that form where they hold hands and possibly kiss. In Brooke's mind how his voice was in her ear the whole time, standing close and masculine. 

Brook herself was a work of art, shades of complexity that was empty, dark but tons of light. Even though she's very articulate about this culture all too well. How she stood in front of Seth with a painting of Tuscany Hills explaining the fresco weathering in the photo itself. The manner of it had charm and she was thrilled to share her enthusiasm. She kept him smiling and he was joking. Always joking about something or someone but that she expected. They walked themselves behind a few more walls of displayed greatness. Descended up a flight of stairs to the second level. Much more quiet and contemplative while it was starting to get a bit crowded this Saturday night.

"I'm wondering, have I bored you yet?"

Brooke needed Seth to be honest even if she's poking fun.

"No. No way, I'm having a great time listening to you educate me on the arts."

Her smile was showing to his eyes, it was adorable, cute, even as she pulls her hair behind her ears. 

"So, you have a gallery show coming in two days I see."

"How did you know that?" 

"The portfolio you left the other night you've got quite the guest list."

"It's nothing special." She exasperated. "But by all means tell me exactly, what brings you here in Seattle?"

Her hand grabbing two more glasses of champagne for them. 

"No particular reason. I really wanted to get away from my normal for a few days."

"That sounds like a load of bullshit." 

She can see it behind his eyes as he drinks until he started to laugh at her reply. 

"And why would you say that?" He replied and bit odd look to why she'd say it's bullshit.

"You live in L.A. of all places. How does one get tired of it?"

"I'd take it you've been to L.A. before?"

Of course she has. Brooke has a gallery both here, Los Angeles and in Venice. So she explained but felt the need to elaborate she can't imagine how the industry works for him. Only being that people just wanting to make money off of you and that's about it. 

Seth couldn't deny that by a long shot. 

It takes them a few quiet moments to smile and walk through the upper level some more. Fixed dimmed lights and approaching more tasteful exhibits. They stand in front of paintings, darker ones that were showcasing grainy gray skies behind dead trees. 

Seth eyes began to fix on Brooke for the third time tonight. She was like a porcelain doll with these bright eyes that was making him lost in her glow. She could feel his stare on her and decided to act on it.

"I take it you must like what you see?"

Seth trance was getting interrupted by her voice. Noticing she's standing in front of her biting her lip.

"What if I was to say yes?" 

There he goes again, low-toned voice of his, eyes hooded with desire by the looks of her. He wanted to hold her by the waist and pull her towards him, in this place but Brooke was not his. He stands there, hands in his black slacks and the button up shirt exposing some of his chest. Brooke was shaking her head to the fact this man has the nerve to say he didn't think he was hot last night. He had to look in the mirror this morning looking as suave as he does and his creamy skin beams in front of her. 

Kind of crazy how he's all crestfallen for a girl he met just last night. It was usual, for him to be taken by surprised by a girl who thinks is the most interesting person he's met.

"You're cute." She says laughing but in her head she wanting to jump his bones.

"And I think you're very beautiful." He smiles and he's being so forward only to think he might get turned down. She such a cute mess of wavy tussled hair.

"Something about you Seth that makes me hate that you're single."

All she got was a reply that _'he had his reasons'_ and she could see his look going blank. She definitely wasn't going to ask him anything about his past relationships. The night didn't call for anyone to make up conversation about boyfriend and girlfriend topics. Exes and past relationships because she was in a difficult one of her own. She should break this to him eventually but Brooke has this mind set that if he doesn't ask she's most likely not going to tell. At least like yet.

His intent eyes on her this whole night thinks her input last night was given an effect. Would this end in a night of him in her bed and things would go separate ways that are so typical. Brooke wasn't going to stand for it. She was still debating if to stay or leave her husband. Wondering if he's going to pop up on her tonight like he'd been doing. The way she started to think about his appearance would probably crush Seth. There she goes, being caught up in a man she just met. 

That's the game she plays, most of her time and that's why she's at a hard place now. No one would understand the point of staying with Mark was that he got her where she is now.

Then Seth moves them in a quiet corner down in the lobby now. Waiting for the rain to stop because neither of them had a coat or umbrella. They laughed again, always at random things, mainly because a guy across the street got splashed in the face with water from a passing bus. They stood there and Seth was humming a song coming through the speakers. Softly and she could here the essence of him and the rain that was speaking to her ears so nicely. Nothing could take away such a lovely night with a man she clearly hitting it off with.

"Would you like go back to the apartment?" She has no idea why she's asking but insist it instead of staying out and it's raining. "We can have dinner there." 

She's hoping he'd say yes. She just let it fly out of her mouth but no idea what her brother bought at the store. She really didn't want to be alone tonight knowing Brendon was going to be out for the rest of the night.

"Yeah, I'd like that." 

❖

Brooke couldn't get the image of him being soaked from the rain out of her head as she listen to him speak. He hovered over her hours ago as they left the art venue to keep her dry as possible. Luckily her brother has tons of clothes he's never worn she was able to give Seth a fresh Hanes t shirt. Right out the package. Perhaps, let him sit here shirtless instead but she sure didn't recommend it.

The rain poured even more now but they both were out of it. Hours later, full up to their chins and Seth couldn't ask for a better meal. They told stories, peeling potatoes and searing steaks int he skillet.

He stood behind her and she stood at the sink rinsing the dishes as she sighs. The mess they've made in the kitchen cooking dinner. Food was delicious but this kitchen looked like a bomb went off.

"You know you don't have to do that right now." She heard him say. 

She insisted she should get it done now. She'll get the food in the pans would get caked on if it sits. Plus she couldn't stand this are to look how it does right now.

"Well, let's get to cleaning then." Seth insisted he'd help although she asked him not to. 

He started to load the dishwasher, she stopped and stepped back. "Oh, I'm sorry." She said and found herself stepping on Seth's toes. 

Brooke turned around to face him as he leaned forward. An awkward stance before she could react and felt his lips against hers. She didn't understand, not knowing what to do and kissed him back. Seth leaned back against the counter and pulled her against him. She had no idea what she was doing or why she was doing it but she found herself liking this moment. How he grasped her body, squeezing her while she felt he was already hard. Brooke's hand moving on both sides of his body, grinding her hips against his. Feeling startled, surprised with lips moving down her neck while her head was spinning. The way he breathed on her, stared at her, touching her and she wanted to push his body down the kitchen floor.

Only to realize this was all in her head, something she wish would happen right now. Brooke was day dreaming standing in the kitchen. While her mind pondered off into a lusty mind trip Seth was waving his hands in front of her to bring her back to life.

"Brooke, are you alright?" He said, laughing.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Totally fine." She lied.

She wiped the counters down in a fast motion. It felt right but wrong at the same time. This would be an evening where sex would come about. Nothing in her could bring her to do that to herself, like she would with other men. Like she was drowning herself with such thoughts that would get her in major trouble. It took all of an half an hour for them to get done. Clean and spotless. 

Brook was realizing it might be time for Seth to go but he sure enough didn't come in any source of transportation.

"I know this may sound crazy but would you like to spend the night?" Brooke blurted out as she sat back on the couch and took her heels off. "I only ask in a friendly way so you don't have to call a cab this late at night and my brother isn't coming back."

Seth thought about it and liked how thoughtful she was and he took a seat next to her with a hand on her thigh. "Sure, I'll stay."

She figured it was no need to thank her she was doing the guy a favor. She was begging to rest herself against him. Again wanting to do too much with someone she hardly knows. Pouring more wine and watching him smile behind some silly story he's telling. Her vision was seeing something else behind this man of all kinds of greatness. He made such good company despite they've been talking the entire night. With all thoughts and feelings in a casual sense Brooke felt the need she should tell this man who she is.

Who she was, was a woman of so much in her background. Seth was only being glamored by her appearance and subtle replies. With the strong sense of her own independence yet another man in her life made her weak. Weak like she didn't matter and well deserved of self animosity. She choked in the mist of his laughter and knowing deep down she was going to have to say something before she let herself escalate this into something else than it should.


	4. Smiles and Screams

There's a precious sunlight shining through the curtains. The sun has awakened the quiet city with it's presence. Pioneer Square has met something with great beauty this Sunday morning. Seth wasn't asleep but he laid under the covers dozing on and off. Not that he didn't want to get up but the guest bedroom he was in was so relaxing and comfortable. From all the wine he and Brooke sipped through the night he was hoping a throbbing headache of some sort. 

His mind pondered how Brooke laid in her brother's bed, probably slowly waking up but still laying in bed as a streak of gray light touches her walls. His mind wondered on a lot to why he would agree to do something like this. Something felt refreshing in his life of no worries, no schedule and simply doing whatever he wanted.

You could hear birds chirping by the window on his left and the smell of coffee in the air. Which was a great way to wake up, with so much laughter. More of it was in the room as Seth was woken up with flashes of Brooke's Nikon camera in his face. She didn't even say good morning or give a warning. Her unexpected joyful morning attitude was brought to him with a camera snapping at the sight of him.

"Come on Seth. Smile for me." She said on top of him.

She even tried tickling him a bit on his right side while she tried keeping him on the bed. The way he smiled, blushing like he was this cute embarrassed little kid. He played hide and seek underneath the huge white comforter and moved his body throughout the white sheets. The view is what made Brooke grab her camera. She loved the hints of the yellow streaks coming from the sun hitting his skin. Even lightly on his white shirt and how it bounced on the pale white walls. He'd pressed his face in the sheets laughing trying to hide his face but she'd flash her camera for such a nice view.

His smile peaking through with just half of his face showing and she loved it. They laughed and he was wondering what on earth did she get out of him. She never spoke about anything with much purpose unless it was about her work. How she gets inspired about the random things in her day. How random it was at this very moment and she's rest herself on top of him. Their breathes settled, it's quiet and Seth sits up touching her thighs softly. 

How did he even conjure up in this bed. If it was a good idea to touch her but she was spread on his lap. The scents of her perfume has died down a little bit but still a bit strong. Her natural scent mixed in and he's just lost in her eyes. The black panties and black tank top she's wearing as if it's not turning him on. As if she's not okay in the head to think she's leading him on so much. Her lower stomach shows and he places his hands on her waist now. 

He must not do anything stupid. He had to think for the billionth time now. Brooke is not his.

"Morning photo shoots?" He says with the most rough tone. He could see something about him, mostly his voice did something to her. Like it does to most women. 

"I like the fact that being spontaneous with you it makes you blush uncontrollably." 

"I guess I can't help it." He states smiling. He does it again. Making his eyes know how much he wants more. How her head lowers to his , almost a sweet morning kiss but Brooke got off the bed before she took it to another level.

"I have um.." She barely spoke trying to shake off her feelings. The sight of him under these sheets and noticing he's only wearing boxers underneath there. "I have coffee brewing in the kitchen if you'd like some."

She took her awkwardness out of the room before smiling like an idiot. She wasn't alone because he was to. Brooke seemed to enjoy this in such a more patient drift than with most men. She hated how he tend to shine himself so well this early. His appearance seemed brighter than the sun peaking through the crevices. She had his clothes folded on his bed that she was able to get clean overnight as he was sleeping. Also mentioning that she called him a cab to take him back to his hotel. Amazes her that he's walked around Seattle on foot yesterday.

She didn't bother to throw any clothes on over her tank and underwear. She grabbed a cup of coffee and the scent filled her nostrils just has she smiled up to Seth standing next to her. He was quite shocked at the time noticing it wasn't as early as he thought.

She propped her almost naked self on the kitchen counter. While Seth was cursing himself as he was reading something through his phone.

"Something wrong?"

"I promised my niece I'd skype her this morning. I totally forgot." He seemed extremely on edge.

"Well, aren't you the great uncle."

Brooke's feet dangled as she hopped on the counter. Seth walked over to see what she was popping in her mouth. It was only some green grapes and he asked if she'd offer him some. Why on earth would she say no.

Seth was wishing something about this was to make him feel out of place and she was as casual than ever. This nice brunch of grapes, coffee and the tone of everything was quiet but not for too long. After smiling a bit awkwardly at each other, sipping from their mugs, Seth was making sure not to say the wrong thing. He had a lot of things he wanted to ask or make known. He was so caught up in his mind and a girl he doesn't even know this well. 

"I never spend the night at some stranger's house. I guess I'm a virgin to this type of this thing."

"It's pretty bold but I'm not going to kidnap you. If that's what you thought."

"Oh, no way. You definitely don't seem the type." Seth stated understandingly. Playfully.

"And what if I was." She was so daring to reply with something as such as that.

Hopped herself off the counter as she stood in front of him. The cold feet on the tile floor making her shiver a bit. How they had this look in each-others eyes, longing and un-describable Seth had to know one thing.

"Can I ask you something? Something I been meaning to ask you all night--"

"I'm taken Seth."

She interrupted. 

She shot down the answer quick and to the point. While his look still remained the same. Interested. Brooke on the other hand let it out and her manner was serious. Once Seth noticed but didn't drag on about and Brooke is only noticeable to why she's serious about her answer. She let her head look down to walk away and keep that in his head he shouldn't move forward on with the questioning but nothing stops Seth when he's intrigued by a pretty woman.

Before she could make her way to the couch, her arm was in contact with hand. Gently, he touched her and told her,"What if I don't care that you're taken."

He should care. She's married but that wasn't out in the open yet. Brooke thought, he could Google her and found out a lot about her but nothing of that nature seemed his type. 

"Trust me." She said as her eyes beamed at him, darkened while the mid day sun was showing true colors at this time of day. Her fingers, softly guided them down his torso. "You don't want to get involved with me."

"That's a load of bullshit." Seth almost choked as he was drinking the last bit of his coffee. Laughing as well.

Amazing how that tension was erased so quickly. "Do you come on to men like this even if you're taken." His fingers putting quotations on the last words. Poking fun at her.

"Yes. I'm not denying you but I'm letting you know what you're getting into."

She finally got to walk past him. She was sinking with the thoughts of his mouth wanting to speak about other connected aspects of her life. She wasn't about to go _there_. She wasn't that type of girl. Couldn't she have fucked him, let him leave and been on about her life. She was trying to be different although she had much of no choice. She made it clear she wouldn't be the first to act on anything.

The lashes on his face shows it's shadows on his cheeks, and his eyes speak more than anything. Seth was quiet, the whole time and movement as she step back against the counter. He stepped even closer.

"Something about you. I like it. Therefore .." His voice was deep as his hand touched her chin like he wanted to give in. "I simply do not care."

Her eyes saw his that were all kinds of dark to her view and it was just something about his voice that made her know he was full on board with taking her from whomever.

_Would he mess with a married woman?_

One that wasn't in love or tricked herself in believing. 

He still was standing there. She was glad in all her nervousness, before she wanted to spill the beans, she heard the honk of the cab. 

Seth's cab, that one she called, that stopped him in his motion of getting close to her in an intimate way. Like he was crushed when he would only get tomorrow to ever see her again. 

"I take it that's for me." He stated grabbing his cell phone and making sure he had his things. 

"You'll be coming to my art show tomorrow? Right?" She gave him a ticket to get in. She had plenty, he took it and smiled. 

The lost of her self was wanting to follow him out the door. She was never used in having something and not getting a taste. Today, it just wasn't happening. Yet, that was typical Brooke Collins, a girl with that _one_ mission. 

"Of course I will.' He walked out and gave Brooke a wink. She watched him in the glass window into the blue cab and drove off. 

Brooke put her robe but instead some hours has past and she took a bubble bath. Relaxed her skin in scents and peaceful soundscapes. In a state of everything being set fro tomorrow. Her brother had most of her gallery done and she's at peace being here in the apartment alone. 

She knew she was on Seth mind and he didn't have her number. To call her and stay up until the early morning. Then possibly get tired from late conversations about absolutely nothing. What exactly would he say or do but the thought isn't pondering on Brooke's mind right now. She's closing her green eyes to dreams and never realized she even slept on the couch. That she laid her body there, for hours to past and the moon was up by then.

Her eyes were blurred out as she rubbed them, as she cut the loud tv off by the power button. She bent over, to breathe for a minute. She stretched for a while until she open her eyes. 

A site out the window and the dark sky with bright stars over downtown Seattle always looked beautiful. But it's not so beautiful when a familiar face she sees in the background reflecting from the uncovered window. 

The brown eyes again, scruff that pressed itself against her and a cool breath on her neck. She felt a certain type of scared that wasn't weak in her knees but something that was down right shocking. 

"Do you love playing this game?" Said Mark. 

She figured how in the hell did he make his way in. She didn't even hear him and she's getting a feeling that there's no telling what he might do. What exactly driven him to come here and to keep stalking her. How she turned to face the man of power over her life, career and only because she allowed it.

"Get out." She said quietly. She couldn't handle the thought if her brother walked in. If he'd had to commit a crime on a man she'll still go home to. For now she's been convincing herself otherwise.

"That's no way to talk to me." He stated with a stand of her hair in between his fingers. "After all the shit you've been doing. You honestly think I trust you?"

There was never any trust in this. 

"You need to go."

"Did you get your way with him? Just like you get your way with all men. Once you've decided you wanted everyone else but me." 

Mark steps in front of her, left and right as she tries to walk away. If she just co-operate then he might leave. 

His hands touch her waist and his bristly tone asked her did she like what she did tonight. Brooke wanted to speak but his fingers just touched her lips to say a word. The fact that one part of her wanted to just open herself and her legs to an unknown man she didn't. Not this time. Mark thinks otherwise. Her look to him was puzzled, what exactly could he do, torture her more, hit her again perhaps she'd prefer it for giving the wrong idea. 

"It amazes me though." He speaks as he turns her around. He doesn't press himself against her intentionally. "How you spend your time wanting to love and fuck everyone but me."

His hand makes it's way up to her throat. How it's just a grip. "I find it amusing knowing you're going to come back to me afterwards." His words were the definite truth. Even if he'd treat her wrong for her wrongful doings she'd stay. 

"We didn't fuck but you wouldn't believe me anyway." She spoke as his grip gotten tighter around her throat. He laughed, in her ear, just for her to listen. How dark the room felt now with the presence of both of them. He closed his eyes and missed the woman he owned scent travel up his nose. 

His laughed got louder and his grip squeezed her so she'll feel and remember the hold he has on her. While she began to laugh with him. It was such an odd thing to do but know that she's just _in this_ and the _cause_ of the mess in her life. A man who gave her everything and she can't give him anything back but a thought of her screwing every man she meets. 

She likes it, she likes that she has him and it's a twisted setting. How her hand began to squeeze the hair on the man behind her. She smirked, and hysterically the laughter began to fall into tears. She never realized how broken one would be over one thing she felt it wasn't a problem. You might think it's her way to use men for sex and the fact she's been hit in the face by a man she's supposed to be committed to. 

How did she know to fall to her knees and telling the man in a grey sweater and black jeans to go away. Her eyes were blurred from streams of tears and she never saw him leave. Although, he makes his way everywhere and in her head she's screaming for him to leave. 

"Get out!" She said, she chanted over and over again. Brooke's hands shake and she covers her ears because pain draws into her from this moment. It's loud when no one is even there. Her knees were hurting from the hard floor and arms were hugging her in an instant of her not knowing it was her brother rushing to her need.

"Brooke, what happened!" He scoped her out, too look in her eyes and she's scared. "You're okay now. Alright." Brendon is lost, he's confused, he's not even sure why she's holding on to him for dear life. 

She hugged her brother, her face buried in his chest and tears soaking his shirt. He caressed his panic-stricken sister's hair, _you're okay, I swear you're okay_ is what he said to her.

Although, she's not okay at the end of the day. She's highly far from it.


	5. Changing Pressure

Even though Brooke could hear waves crashing in her skin and not wanting to think of last night break down she's filled with beautiful faces. Of a place with dim lights and her expression of beauty through photographs are getting bought up with the quickness.  
Seth was there, he's been there and he didn't want to cloud up her night with his presence. Just being the gentle breeze throughout the place. His casual suit attire and a drink in his hand. He was truly mesmerized by her pieces of her photography. How you can see she paid close attention to detail. 

Brooke caught his eye for a tiny moment but a look that said _they could meet later_ and that was assuring. He just wanted to be somewhere than the hotel, then maybe have her there with him but he's not even going to ponder on a sexual thought. 

For once.

Seth was recognized by a few people, casual and quiet about it. After a conversation, he stepped in front of one photo. A photo of him, head down in lighting that look very shockingly like the bed he was in last night. Seth tilt his head to the side and saw himself. You wouldn't realize it was him unless someone told you. He knew no one would blush this hard in a collection of white sheets, blankets and covers with the warm sun crashing his skin. He smiled at the warmth of such a photo did to him.

Even luckily, someone put a red sticker on it. Some random person was actually buying it for just two hundred dollars. The pressure it might have been for Brooke to add it to the collection early this morning. No one would see how much hospitality was shown to Seth the minute he got to Seattle and sadly this was his last day. This photo was just something new to him, like the photo was someone he didn't know and could actually smiles so genuinely. 

He stood there for minutes on end and then reading texts from his phone. While a hand approach his shoulder and he turned around to see a man. A man who was much around his height and how could Seth could ever forget the bright blue eyes this guy had. Still the same smile like he never aged.

"Woodbury, is that you?"

The man said and Seth was realizing no one calls him by his middle name. That was such a old college thing and a joke.

"In the flesh." Seth said. "So, David Hall, where on earth have you been? It's been ages."

The embraced each other in a big hug and who knew Seth would find someone he hadn't seen since his twenties here.

Still the same baby face couple, these two were, and it was pretty nice to see someone, talk and catch up.

"I've been great, work is awesome. You know I'm a coordinator down at Paramount."

"Well, shit that's awesome."

"I don't need to ask about you. You're everywhere man. How's everything at FOX?"

"Exactly what you'd expect it to be. I have my hands full all the time and me with crazy ideas."

David could reason with that. As they spoke about jobs and live in L.A. in which was typical. 

"So what brings you here?" David asked.

"Just some time off and I met Brooke few days ago so she invited me."

"Yeah? My wife knows Brooke , she couldn't make it and I'm thinking of buying one of these pieces for her."

They didn't chat for too long as David's eyes were sparkled by something he saw on the wall down the hall. 

"Hey, you know where the Grand Bar is just down the street? We should have a drink later."

"I passed there this morning going to Starbucks actually. Yeah, I could meet you."

So Seth was having his hands full for the final night but not knowing exactly what he could get into with Brooke. 

He's standing alone again, another champagne drink chasing his tongue and grabbing for another one with a guy he saw before.

"Seth, right?"

"Um, yeah." He nodded and walked off tot he nearest corner. It was only Brendon, Brooke's brother wanting to get his attention.

"Glad to see you here. Hey man, my bad about the other day, me and Brooke were going at it that morning."

Like, Seth didn't already know that. Possible that he didn't have a clue on what it was about.

"I am quite a fan of your work, how you do all those --"

"Voice and shit?" Seth interrupted, laughter came about because that was the same thing Brendon said to him the other day.

"Yeah man it's incredible but you seem pretty cool. So, I take it Brooke asked you to come hang today."

Seth nodded. "Her photos are stunning. Very amazing talent she has here."

They spent the next minutes discussing about photos and seeing a photo of Brendon curly hair all wet with a woman. A bucket of water in her hands, laughing and enjoyable until Brendon explained that was his ex wife. How they got married at a young age, straight out of high school years back and she was an escape from the all the shit his parents were influencing on him and Brooke.

Not quite much got taken in by Seth but he do knows Brendon spoke about them always hooking back up every now and again but she was such a fucking drag. Perhaps, a little too keen like his Mother. 

Despite old tales of flings and what not Seth was trying to listen to Brendon as he was staring past him. Someone at the front of the hall. Standing there, looking for someone in particular. Seth knows for a fact he's seen that man before. Quite good with faces.

"Um, Brendon do you know that guy." Seth touches him by the elbow to have Brendon stare down the guy in the front. 

The hair that wasn't shaggy but long and curly. The expected scruff across the man's chin and cheeks. The brown eyes that Brendon knows his sister always gets lost in. Brendon was shaking his head, disgusted and Seth thought it meant he didn't actually _know_ the man.

"Yeah. I know him. How do you know him?" Brendon asked and the attitude is appearing in his tone. His eyes were wide and his skin was getting red. 

"I saw him few days ago. Actually, when I first met Brooke at a cafe around here."

Brendon's stance was his hands on his hips, wiping his mouth and scoffing. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I take it it's not good." Seth said staring at Mark who was looking to him. A sly smile in return.

"Wait." Brendon's realization hitting the surface. "So Brooke didn't tell you?" He said and his voice went low to wear Seth didn't quite comprehend it well. 

Brendon told Seth to excuse him as he searched the crowd and to find Brooke laughing with guests. Her short black dress, dazzle in glamorous bling and jewelry too. Spotting his sister and knowing he doesn't want to start anything with her he needs her attention.

"Excuse me," Brendon interrupted while some of the ladies got lost in his green eyed glow. "Brooke I need to talk to you. Now!"

She's more confused and her wrist in his hands going into the upstairs office. Dragging her in and he doesn't have time this. No time for this shit at all.

"So I take it you didn't tell him. Did you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about?"

"Mark is here and since you've been hanging with Seth the past few days I would think you were smart enough to tell him about Mark. Your husband."

"I can explain that." Brooke had no idea how she was going to do so but she didn't look quite moved by the statement. "I've tried. I swear but I told him I was taken, that's it -"

"Did you fuck him?" Brendon stepped closer. "At least tell me that you didn't fuck."

"No. We didn't fuck. Okay."

Frankly, if they did, it wouldn't have been his business. So that's the way Brooke put it. Just for her brother to go on edge. By all means if she wanted to fuck around at-least not do while being married.

"Seth said he saw him, the first time you two met. You couldn't have told me about this."

"I'm fine, aren't I?"

The lost girl inside her, spoke that line of _fine_ and her brother look like he wanted to shake her. Shake her in reality that nothing about it is fine. 

"Don't give me that shit!" He yelled. "You're screaming on my living room floor last night. I have all reasons it's because of the asshole you're still married too."

Brooke was silent, taking a seat of her undeniable ways in the black leather chair next to her. 

So he asked trustfully if Mark had been seeing her. Her answer was the obvious. 

"Why don't you let me help you. Perhaps, signs some papers and divorce that asshole."

"It was one time for fuck's sake Brendon. Give it a rest."

"One time? What happens when it's you in a hospital bed." While her sweet laughter filled the room sarcastically. "Are you serious? I mean all the shit mom and dad --"

"All the shit like what Brendon? Perhaps mom and dad fucking us up, scarring us for life and so what now?" She asked. "Now I have an _abusive husband_ you think I'm scarred now too?"

She walked up to the door. Looking out the window and starring at the crowd. Lovely people of all kinds and she could only breathe. Breathe and seeing Mark looking up at her in the room above the stairs. That look, it's so giving and she knows her place.

"It saddens me. If anything knowing you're going to go back with him. Bothers me that you don't give a fuck about me trying to protect you."

She turned around not wanting to look her brother. Red eyes, shaking hands because she knows the inevitable. She was always the helping hand to her brother and this was his way of pleading to let him help her for once.

"You know what fine. You want to stay with him so be it. Get your shit out my loft by tomorrow."

And tell Seth the truth while she's at it. Brendon didn't want her hand tracing his arm trying to get his attention as he was trying to leave the room. He wasn't going to break it down any more for her to know that if Mark hit her once, he was bound to it to her again. Brooke was in for a rude awakening for sure and not even at fault knowing she should've screwed Seth and left like's she done with every other man who's appeared interest in her despite being so called _married_.

Seth eased himself in and Brooke had nothing much to say unlike Seth he had a shit ton questions but felt just to ask the ones that he felt matter.

She want to have to re-live every damn thing or have to explain a tell all situation to him. She was just silent and a bit scared but no one wouldn't of thought of it. Her life being rested in another man's hands and only for tonight she wants to rested in Seth's. Or any other man in this place right now if it was up to her. 

"Maybe I should tell you something. Something to where you don't want to get involved in."

"That you're taken? I got that already. Nothing between us can happen? I'll understand that too. I respect that." Seth said sitting in the leather chair opposite from her that he dragged over. He would go on about it but Seth already knows what up in her situation. 

"I'm married and it's best I don't get involved with you even though I want to because that's just who I am."

He was fine with that. Totally fine, also with the fact he had been standing up here listening to her and her brother yell and what not outside the door. Listening at something he felt crushing that she doesn't want to leave. 

"That's why I'm in this situation I'm in now."

"So is it true about your marriage. Your husband, he hits you?"

"Try sounding a little more like a therapist will you?"

"Well how would you like me to sound? Like everyone else?"

Seth's fingers touching his lips as she stares in his eyes. She rolls the green set on hers and it's just not what this made out to be. Not the same conversation she has to has twice in one night.

"I know you said you were taken but I wouldn't - "

"You wouldn't what? Fuck around since I'm married?"

"Well yes. Do you always fuck around?" Seth asked curiously.

"Apparently, that's why I got hit in the face the first time around." She said cold mannered and a sarcastic laugh. 

Perhaps more again if she decided to stay and still sleep with endless men. She should know better than to go back but she was fooling herself and the man who has given her fortune and fame within the artistic world.

"Don't act shock to this. Either way it's what I wanted when I met you." She said and regretting for bringing it back up. She itched for conflict and that's all her life was anyways. She spoke it with such meaning and such a straight face.

"The speech about I either like you or want to fuck you?"

Seth stood up and smiled. He knew exactly what _that_ meant. 

"Yeah. That speech." She looked around the room and the guilt that runs through her wants him to make her feel nothing tonight. Only if he was between her. 

That was her vibe. Always her vibe.

"Being taken is one thing but I would also have to respect the fact that you're married."

He felt sorry. He said it and can't take it away because she needed to hear it. Although he wanted to since she offered. 

Brooked laughed and lit a cigarette. The hell with her lungs tonight because she needed a smoke. 

"Not that I wanna be married but it's complicated. I don't expect anyone to understand it."

"And no one has to but do know that I thank you."

Seth touched her hand and the starry eyed man looked at her with such genuine certainty.

"Thank me?"

"Yes, for a lovely week it's been. You're talented, beautiful, and I only hope you stay safe as possible. I don't know you but you don't deserve any form of abuse." 

Seth's looked was so concerning and how on earth could she feel sick to these words. Sick that maybe everything was a mistake to be that girl but who was she to run to. Run and explain something of the unsorted feelings this placed upon her. She's stupid to be forgiving, stupid for not leaving and stupid to not trust her brother's options. Seth's words were all the different than she expected because only one true motive was still on her brain.

"How come I know down the path, if we ever meet again you're gonna regret those words."

"I promise I won't." Seth said softly and a kiss on her forehead.

He let himself out as Brooke followed and her stomach felt like dropping. She was in too deep in this life and she looks at what she has wouldn't have been possible on her own merits. So she tells herself. 

Brendon left and he was sure in her head that's he's at home. Screaming maybe too that his sister was making the mistake of her life and knows he's not gonna wanna know the outcome of this. Brooke just mingled, she smiled behind her fears and this was something she was used to. Used to the feeling of something she should get away from. How Mark didn't have to say a word to her because they could hold hands despite the fuck up in this. Despite wanting to trail him away she'd held his hand like she needed him. The look from his eyes into hers and she wish she could simply walk away but she couldn't. 

Their bodies faced towards each other, connected in some sort of oddly embrace of a hug and her hands touch his back. She wasn't going to let tears fall from her green eyes. Not tonight. She made the decisions she wanted so she let that be. 

"Hi." She said. 

That's all she needed for him to hear. Something sincere that maybe if she stopped messing around things wouldn't go _messy_ in this marriage. He perhaps wouldn't hit her again would touch her inappropriately again but the rude awakening isn't going to happen too soon.

The thought of something drastic happening was so stuck in Seth's head. It wasn't fair and he did nothing but wanting to pursue her a peaceful life but he didn't know her. He would have to do that for any broken girl with everything. So he walked down the bright light street and smiles on peoples faces. No telling of their names, ages and reasons for happiness. 

Only down the street is where he remember David saying to meet him at the Grand Bar. Seth was glad some part of his night would result in something different. To maybe end his night with laughter and old times with an old friend.

It was putting warmth in Seth's heart discussing about the old college dorm days and the things they got into. While the nostalgic jokes and remembrance graced his late night he's gonna regret it. He just didn't know it yet.

"I remember you had a crush on the chick in Sociology. What was her name?" David said poking fun at Seth and his old school blushing days. He was not the charmer whatsoever.

"Jenna right? Jenna Malley?" Seth laughed in his drink. "What ever happen to her?"

"She's my wife you know that?"

David was so rubbing it in his face only making Seth think how she looked now.

"No, shit?" Seth eyes widened.

"Yeah man. got married back in 2002."

"Taking good care of that?"

"You know it brother but things been a bit dry lately." They click their glasses of Jack together. 

"Man, so the married life is good to you?"

"It's nice to have a partner, so how about you? No one to settle down with yet?"

Seth hunched at the comment that sends his mind in a spiral of past females who might have thought he had something with. The past is only the past. He figured to just keep it there.

"You know me. I've had my share with them all it seems."

"I've read about you from time to time. Always wanted to come surprise you at FOX but just haven't gotten around to it."

You know, those same excuses to why old friends never hook up anymore but the long drawn out conversation about _love_ makes Seth remember he never had charm with ladies back then. Not like David did.

"I figured you would have a wife and kids." David said. "I meant to tell you," he stated grabbing his wallet of photos to show Seth. "These are my two girls. That's Hannah, she's five and this is Heather she's about to be sixteen soon."

"They're beautiful man! Are you giving Heather a sweet sixteen?"

"I'm thinking about it. Surprise her maybe? God they get grown so fast you know."

"That's what happens man."

"But there's this thing Seth." David leaned in closer. "My daughter, Heather, she has her friends come over and my GOD I'd kill to be their age again."

Seth leaned away a minute to registered what he just said. "What do you mean? Her age again?"

"I mean, their young, their gorgeous and they walk around with their tight little bodies." David is definitely making Seth seem uncomfortable.

"Are you being serious right now?"

Seth's concern of what was might end on a good note is going to get pushed aside from this _out of nowhere_ fucked up conversation.

"Come on Seth." David hitting his arm a bit. "Like, you never fantasized about young girls. Hell you've dated a few for sure."

Seth's facial expression of anger and now a bit pissed. "Um, you do know the women I did fuck around with were legal."

"And? Your point? Still young."

 _Was the fuck is up with this guy?_ Seth thought.

"Yeah, they're young but not some young innocent teenagers either. My GOD, David you're married."

Although, David's only reply to that was him and Jenna haven't been fucking for months on end. Seth really didn't want to hear that because David and his young teeny attraction is creeping him out. 

"So you've never thought about it? I mean just to be that young again. All that goddamn energy and just.." David's hand touching Seth's shoulder. Like this was supposed to be a _togetherness_ conversation that has went down hill. 

"No David! I don't! I like my life the way it is and I've had great times with plenty of legal women." Seth input for his old friend to understand he was not on the same page as him.

Seth was annoyed. David's laughter and that creepy smile he was showing was having Seth brush his hand off him. Standing up, throwing money on the bar and leaving. "It was nice seeing you David." 

Seth just walked back down the road, get to his cab to pick him up. 

The breeze here was lovely, the air was like a smell he never knew and he really wasn't ready to go back to L.A. anytime soon. He's going to be leaving back to his hotel soon but he passed the gallery again. 

Seeing Brooke in arms of her husband and Seth was sure he wasn't falling for her. Didn't know her but didn't wanna believe she was trouble. 

Didn't want to think it was possible to ever get to her again but Seth was gonna make it happen. 

Someday to see her again.


	6. And You Will Never Feel This Pretty

_This may be wrong but I had to write you._

Brooke stood on the balcony of her loft. The wind was blowing and she thought why was she opening this letter. The address of something given from L.A. , the black envelope of printed paper that was now in her hands. She shook her head because that line was all she needed. A message forward from her brother's apartment in Seattle was now there with her in Venice. 

She'd been busy filtering her mind on art and conceptions for life despite her life at home. 

She was home alone today while the rain hit the balcony floor and her feet were getting wet. Puddles and water stream with words she read that made some type of salty liquid hit her lips. 

_My only question to you is are you alright? Are you happy? There's this thing if someone can impact your life in such a small manner it's best you let them know. I'm not sure if I ever got to tell you this._

The letter might have been a stupid decision is what went through Seth's mind when he began to type it and seal it off to her. Before he ever left, he kept her brother's address in Seattle and Brooke had had this kept safe with her for months.

How she remember going back to it from time to time. When Mark caught it he speculated he was still around. That she was meeting with Seth on occasions but a bruise on her back and waist was all she'd get in return. He never trusted her but didn't want no one else to want her. Her brother wasn't there, not after her decision so she's left on cold solid ground.

Shedding her blood and tears that get spilled into her work. She can hear her parents now saying it would be alright despite abuse because money was in the main factor. 

_I don't understand and it's not my place to understand. All I know is, you're someone who's doing great things outside of her situation. I believe it makes you courageous._

Brooke was all red, lips biting through her teeth and wishes she could get out of her head. Instead, she'd get lost in another man's bed, home, perhaps his life is she could. She'd go after it in the mean time. So she fixes herself on filing up from Mark's heavy hands to her scarred body and another moment of anonymous love. That's not in any form of true definitive love at that.

_This may seem beyond me but I'm thinking of you. Even though I shouldn't be._

She read this line over and over while for months she's re-living a day to day power over her. She chose it, she has bit of blue and purple flesh on her and between her thighs she cries for something better. How she's sprawled on the floor and taking it in quietly. 

She's abandoned everyone to make what point exactly. She's in her game, it's wicked and all kinds of broken. The remembrance of her forcing herself to stand on her feet and in nausea. Brendon wanted to see her if she ever got the letter. It was months ago and always kept wit her. Seth had this fling that wasn't anything like it could've been but he's in this with her. Wanting so much to know if she's going to stay like this.

Brendon was furious, seeing her trying to smile with lips of cuts and shaking hands. He didn't talk, they didn't speak but he held her. He cried for her of tears that she couldn't anymore. She'd scream again with memories from some fuck up part of her old self. Brendon just begged that he'd come with her and give a second chance before Mark would ruin her completely. She never stopped and never tried to. That's what made Brendon want to take her without question.

She wanted to hide it. Wearing clothes to cover her body and shades to cover her green eyes that were always puffed and red.

"Don't call anyone. Please Brendon. Do this for me Please." 

"Why am I here?"

He held on her forever in some old alley and it's late. Too late for her to change and too late for him to try.

"Tell him for me. If anything..."

Her eyes are barely open the common Seattle skies are starting to send down rain on their heads. He can't barely look up to find he gone in an instant of rough travels.

She figured it was easy in a world of power and underlying pain. That this could be fixed but she'd have to fix herself in the process.

"Tell him what? Brooke..."

He needed her to look him in the eyes and he couldn't find her. The air was appearing foggy and he'd just kick a puddle of water and beat his fist into the ground. He couldn't buy her away or step in with too much havoc happening.

_I wanted you the minute I met you but you're not mine._

If only Seth knew she would never be his. Not entirely. Just for a use to get her depressed sight on something of heated lust. She's going to see him but it wasn't in the correct time that he even preferred.

She was still standing here, the balcony of rain that has her memories surfacing of something triggering. Her body is cold and it's all okay. It feels assuring that she can _feel_ even with glistening toes. Her hands touch the words on this paper between shivering fingers. 

In her time, in this currency of satisfaction she felt as the fallen girl that wasn't going to cry. So he's stepping up behind her to touch her wet hair and the common _who do you belong to_ speech would caress her ears. Speak to her than a letter could never do from an unknown soul. Only in her head she wishes she was outside standing with the crisp air soothing her skin but she stands wide eyed in the shower. The whole time, a letter on the floor and remembering every word. To her knowledge, her partner was sure that she could forget about leaving. 

How could she feel under another man's touch. She would never feel this pretty, not in this light, that's showering a view of tearing flesh. She couldn't show her body anymore that was covered with the feeling Brooke made herself think she deserved. This girl wasn't a savior to no kind, not to herself and the voice saying _"don't you know what I"ll do if you ever decide to leave"_ left her without a primal love. She couldn't shower away her damage and multitudes of hues that painted her pale skin. 

_I want to see you again. I hope we can meet again._

Brooke felt more drops on her skin and the more it felt right the more she could feel pain being a constant turn on her. How the soap stings her scars and lines across her body. 

The voice spoke to her, something of the sort that _you will never feel this beautiful_ and her body was a mental reading that it was right. The grip of her chin that had pressure for her naked body hitting the tile floor.Enjoy the pain while it won't last long but she's thrilled by her fame that it didn't matter. She'd go ahead and spend weeks away to go off in her own land of needs and it still did not matter.

Hot to cold mellow droplets of any kind wouldn't past the fact she needs to escape instead of losing sight of happiness within her craft. One that has led her to fortune but the tune of _someone_ else took charge of that years ago. She was suffering, emotionally like a sharp blade going at her hot insides. The physicality of it knows she should've given it all up when she had the chance. No corner to hide in as the grayish gashes told an entire for her. They're put in places, easily to cover and easily to be hidden.

_If you need me, come see me. I mean this._

Was it possible. She'd end up here with this still set in her brain. It's a warm sun now and her light was going to shine regardless of one mission. One she never made with Seth when they first met. Her needs was on another different level than his intent but Seth wasn't sure, he was never sure around her. Her sight of him was something unusual and a spark of the something that only happen months after. This letter was in her hand and still in the same envelope when he sent it. She was sure she still had the address that would lead her to forget these current tender layers that cover up the worn down soul that's inside her.

Just one person, bent, broken and doesn't want to be fixed.

_Promise me?_

That was the last line and with no looking back into state of shock she couldn't foresee to explain to Seth he would regret her. Brooke would hate it if she could promise something to someone. When there's no way she could keep a promise to herself.


	7. It's You, Again

The black envelope, the print paper and typed text was in her almost crippling hand. Los Angeles, the face of it, the heart of it, was not anything new to her. This, what she was doing now, was definitely new. Was she trying to fool herself and bring up a chill against her skin. Besides the airy breeze licking her through her own layers. Brooke was changed, not one bit besides she's rocking black hair. Those beautiful sad green eyes never looked so promised as she was parked outside. This noise in her head, these periwinkle painted nails gripping the steering wheel and she might just need to turn around.

Her first thought was how bold it was she's at this address. This actual address on the envelope was real. Did he mean every word. Did he have a imprint of some other now that it's been so long. She's dragging herself on a broken whim to do this. She's fallen her self beyond reason to think she might get anything positive here. When her only regards of sitting in front of a house she's not familiar is something unexpected for her to do.

Was she going to lie. Did she just want to plant her eyes on a certain face. She had no idea what was going to pop into her head. 

Seth was gonna have a day to himself. Do some shopping for a small dinner tonight with some a group of people. He needed to get himself out now before he'd cancel and change his mind. Spent half of his morning explaining to his sister that he didn't like his photos in Entertainment Weekly. He think he's too booked now, with all the extra shows, the films and a possible novel deal. Then she'd just explain it's about time he get laid soon. Not like that's ever been a problem in his life.

He has himself almost speeding out of his driveway, after the gate has opened, and the streets are going to be filled of his being. He eases out onto the road and see's a woman standing there. By the edge of the driveway as she seemed to be standing against her car as well. Seth was on the phone too, having to call his sister back to drive backwards and noticed who on earth was at the front of his house.

Perhaps, Brooke was going to wait all day or just to see if this was even real. Seth on the other hand had no idea who she is, especially with shades over her eyes.

"Excuse me miss, are you lost?" Seth said rolling down the passenger window. 

Brooke walked to car, leaning near the window and she clears her throat. Her body shook in a violent convulsing, in her head perhaps, but in Seth eyes she was stuttering. Something about she was lost or that he should get out the car. 

_She might be looking for someone else._

_She might be looking for the wrong person._

She was indeed she had the right Seth Macfarlane but she had nothing to say but lie about some festival going on a few blocks from there. She was lost, looking for direction. Even that didn't do it.

Seth got out of his car, middle of the street, quiet still, and she backs up a bit.

"I'm just gonna go. It's fine. I'm sorry to bother you." Brooke was moving to her car and wishing she hadn't done this. She was in a defensive stance and hoping he wasn't just now standing behind her. She shook her head not knowing why now, why so long he'd still remember her. It was stupid and she felt so stupid. 

Must have been how she was walking, or her voice that made Seth stand there. Out of his car door, and now _there_ breathing behind her. His heavy breath is evident and he can now breathe even more with that letter in her hand with her car keys. 

That's all he needed but he knew more than that. More of an observer than he thought and now lost and relieved. 

"At least it's glad to know you're alive." His voice sounded so cold, lost and like a child. That voice was something past deep, past staggering and she felt her stomach sink. She turned around him and took her shades off, staring down at the street but not bearing to look up. 

"Could you look at me, please?"

She did and those sad green eyes was how he remembered her once. Once cold and piercing him., always reading him and maybe at one point happy. Even in her case it was only about lust or for pretend. She'll look at him anyway, hear what he has to say and hopefully just get him to know that yes, she's still alive.

"Holy fuck, it is you Brooke."

"This is so stupid. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. I'm very fucking glad to see you." 

"I'm doing fine, before you insist on asking. I just..." She was beyond lost because their is no reason to explain. Not one good enough to why she was here. 

Unfinished business for her part.

"I just don't know why I'm exactly here. Just wanted to say hello." She nodded and proceeded to open her car door.

"How have you been?" His concern look showing. "Just thought I'd ask."

"I've been living, existing, just the same thing and different day lifestyle. You know." She smiles hesitantly and knowing there's more to her life and advances. 

"Life is hectic for me currently. I'd be lying if it wasn't."

"Don't I understand." She says looking down at the envelope in her hand because after-while it's a remembrance why he's been in her head. "Look, I know it's a been a while but I just wanted to say hello. I'm just in town for a while too."

"It's good to hear. It's good to see you." Seth had a ton of questions but also a car in the middle of the road and ingredients at a whole foods market to get in his home.

"It's sudden, I can say that much." They stood there but Seth insisted more. "Would you like to come by here for dinner tonight?"

He had to be clear, a number of party guests will be there. Although, she'd have to think about it. She had his address, knowing the small dinner would start no later than seven. 

Seth on the other hand could only drive away trying to let out deep breaths thinking what on earth could be going on in her head that this was the time to show up. He drove around, shifting in his driver seat with tension. His mind drift, while his skin crackles and thinks what on earth could have been happening to her. To exactly, take the effort to do this, unexpectedly. He should know Brooke only has one mission to get rid of her numbness and pain. Seth was still in denial about it.

While he's being in denial, there is Brooke leaving his home but a phone call, from the obvious would possibly send her on a binge. 

"What is it Mark?" She answered, sternly and very sure she doesn't want to here him right now.

"If you wanted to go to L.A. just to fuck him, that's all you had to say."

His voice, dark, triggering, sending her in this sense that he was indeed watching her. 

_Always watching her._

Her mission was exactly what he'd expected, since she didn't have many acquaintances here, besides the one's she like to get lost in sexually. Sad but true, it wasn't because of her predicament. 

"Stalking me now. Every time I'm away, is this your thing?" She replied.

"You know you can do whatever you want. No one's stopping you."

Always the lead she had, she couldn't be stopped but let her self stay married to the hands that bruise her.

"Just know you can fuck him and continue to fuck him while you're here." He breathed, sardonic laughter filling up her ears of the worst. "Know this, once he fucks you he's not gonna want anything to do with you afterwards."

Unfortunately, she knew that. She could sense getting involved with Seth for all the wrong reasons knowing she'd be burden. Her slow breathing and mind spinning of the possible leaves her empty. Mark would just act like it's all okay until they meet again, bruise her again and she'll be lost in money and power to not give a damn anymore. She definitely didn't care anymore.

Would she need therapy before it's over. Would she have to keep on screwing her life up and perhaps Seth's in process. She drove back in West Hollywood to her penthouse and drink herself away. Vodka, through red lips and it pour into her shattered soul before getting out tonight, Before she could feel a little something while stepping at Seth's front door. 

Meeting his home, and she's only two minutes late, smiles greeting her and unfamiliar faces. The sound of his voice, hugging her and introducing her to about five other people including Rachel and her beautiful little girl Bella.

Dinner was indeed the highlight of her night. Seth sat next to her, his smell of what she remembered to be soothing to her nostrils. This look of scruff he kept on his face and the style of his fashion sense was all of the same. His white shirt peaking out a bit of his chest but she was more in tune with drinking more of the wine he had to offer.

Mostly, after dinner there's dessert. For now it's wine and conversation while Bella was eating cake. All by her cute self on the couch watching cartoons. 

"So Brooke what do you?" Rachel asked pouring a drink.

"I'm a photographer, I'm an artist, nothing spectacular really." 

"I find it great to have a eye for art and knowing how to draw and shit." Julie was an assistant lighting her cigarette. "Speaking of photography Seth, I like you in the Entertainment Weekly."

Rachel leaned in, sly smile, "Don't make his head any bigger, okay!" 

"Oh, Please I'm far being big headed okay."

"You're only fooling yourself."

"Well, brother you do make yourself available to every entertainment source and everyone might I ask." Mike invited himself in conversation.

"What is this, bang up on Seth night?"

"Perhaps, if you stopped taking up so many gigs you'd have some time to be happy."

"I'm happy. I'm very fucking happy." Seth says.

 _He needs to get laid._ Rachel whispered.

"Nothing wrong with that. Anyone catching your eye lately?" Brooke added in, touching Seth on the thigh and the cornered look was so hot on him.

Brooke thought she was going to keep quiet this evening. She's also not saying much but she'll give in. Entirely. Also with this fear she'll see Mark tonight but she knows he wouldn't appear and Seth house. Just let her fuck up her night on her own. She was good at that.

"I think you should fuck secretary Cindy." Rachel said.

Seth almost choked. "I don't fuck around with people I work with, you know that." Amazed from the conversation his sister broke off into.

"Cindy? That sounds hot." Brooke added.

Mike, and even Julie, nodded their heads that Cindy was secretly hot.

"Let me guess. Tattoos , piercings, this professional attire and she probably likes it up the ass."

"How does that mean she likes it up the ass?" Seth needed to know this. Not that he was going to fuck her anyway.

Brooke wasn't sure, but she loved watching everyone's mouths drop. Laughing to themselves like quiet little kids, naughty and such.

"Something about people with those outlandish piercings. I think they're all into the kinkiest shit. I can't do it though , no needle are touching my clit or my nipples. Hell no." Rachel laughed and Seth was so disgusted.

The girls glasses are clinking together and Seth fingers touch the bridge of his nose.

"Serious Rachel, I don't wanna hear this shit." 

Everyone's laughing except him until their ribs get tough for that. 

"I swear there's no way I'm related to you."

"I like your sister, she's totally being honest." 

"I think we should all have some cake now. I'm done with you motherfuckers." Seth stepped out into the kitchen. About past done with them but he'll let it slide because they're all whacked on booze.

The bottle is gone, and some more vodka is on the table. Scotch as well. All Brooke sees herself in someone's bed tonight with a bottle or two. She'd take some shots, offer herself and get lost. She's see so much questions in Seth eyes tonight, even as he's stepping to her, forever visually something fucking with his head. When all he should be doing is cutting the cake. He needed to get her alone but if he said that out loud he's sure Brooke would take it out of context.

Her hand is still back to it's same spot, on his thigh, a warm welcome and her lips caught between her teeth. Bad enough Mike was ogling her the entire time.

Bella eased in Seth's lap to trick him into getting another piece of cake. It always worked, plus Seth didn't want to eat a whole piece anyway. Another way to piss Rachel off, it's getting late and Bella doesn't need anymore sugar to keep her up.

"I've noticed you've sat here all night and never asked how you and Seth met?"

Truth. real truth, Seth didn't speak to anyone about that trip. Not that much, not that he met anyone so his knee tapped on Brooke's and she laughed. It was sweet how she did it, looking to him feeling like he'd be embarrassed. Knowing Rachel she'd asked more than obvious when she has drinks in her system. A shame, Seth doing the less drinking here tonight.

"We met in one my galleries. The one here in West Hollywood, down the street from the Barnes and Noble." Brooke said with a arm wrapped around Seth, touching his shoulder and she smelled like alcohol. 

Going to royally fuck herself up.

"I mean, I only asked because I wanted to know are you and Seth exclusive? Girlfriend? Friends?" Rachel implied one of them say something instead of being silent. They didn't know what they were. "He probably hasn't gotten _any_ in a long time.

"Any what Mommy?"

"Nothing sweetie, eat your cake."

"I'm taken." Brooke just chased the rest of another drink. "But Seth and I? I'm just his fuck puppet." 

Brooke just blot her face with the napkin, the drunk laughter happening and even Julie found herself giggling about but it was mostly the sound of silverware hitting the plates so fast. She cursed herself, silently, she fucked up everyone's ears tonight and this perception of her and Seth but she couldn't turn back now.

"Not actually his fuck puppet but I'm trying to be." She was brutally honest from the inside.

Rachel looked displeased and Bella turned around in Seth's lap with her big brown eyes. "Uncle Seth, what's a fuc --"

His hands covered his nieces mouth before he could get that out. Mike and Julie said it was their cue to get up and out of there. Seth was beyond shocked how his eyes looked hurt, they were wide while he nervously chuckled to think how this felt awkward. Why would Brooke let that slip out of her mouth. What was she trying to start.

"You don't say those words okay?" Her reply was her shaking her head and understanding, "Those words, I never wanna hear you repeat them. Ever." 

Seth insisted, Rachel would go home and take Bella with her. Seth eyes closed, tight until he heard them leave completely. Brooke had no idea to what would happen next and she's already wrong for everything she's done already. 

_Meet me in the study, down the hallway._ Her ears caught that voice, that sound pained her instantly, against her ears while it's deep. he sat there, still listening, the sound of his glass being filled with whatever is gonna wash his throat.

She stood there, trying to stand on her feet but Seth was continuing of watching her fall. Fall with her words. 

"What the fuck was that?" He shouldn't even ask, he knew exactly what it meant. He stood in front of his desk and didn't want to look at her. "My niece sitting on the couch is one thing but you might have want to keep to yourself when she's in my fucking lap."

"I've had too much to drink tonight, my apologies." 

"I can see that. I could see it when you stepped to my door. I asked you earlier if you were okay but are you, really?"

"Why does it matter? What is this sense of you wanting to know me so badly?"

"Is it bad for someone to act like they give a fuck, for once." 

That felt cold but she didn't need anyone to care, just someone to get in bed with.

"Oh, so since you write me a letter I'll just come running to you. That shit only works in the movies."

"This is your life and you play it well with fire. I can sense that." He sided himself knowing she only looks for the worse of herself. "I sent you that letter a year ago, now you're in front of my house but this isn't making sense to me." He held her by the arms trying to catch her eyes. They stare at him again and intensely. "Are you okay? Honestly."

_No, of course she isn't but it's not going to stop her from living. Even if its unhealthy and deteriorating the smallest part of her soul._

"I just live , I fuck around then me and my husband run on money and power."

"Allowing him to have power over you?" His grip is released and Brooke fingers move to her lips. She's not feeling well. The option that he had to go there, with the words of her husband. "Is he the reason you never wrote me back?"

Of course he was.

"I keep it with me, I was in town and I figured I'd say hello. That's all I wanted." She leaned against his book shelf. 

"All you wanted? I find that a lie, if it was true I wouldn't have to run my guest out of my house tonight."

"So you'd expect me to lie? I can't take it back but I can't blame everything on the drinks."

"So this idea of you have, you can fuck away your pain, don't you know that won't help you."

The past years it has never helped her. She explained it, extensively, it makes her feel more than she ever could. Seth still understands but not completely. He most likely never will. His augment was that women of all kinds can be in her same situation. Controlled, hands against her hypersensitive skin, raw from bruises, scratches and she tests herself thinking what would happen if she was exposing them to him. He has known women to be helped in the long run even when they don't want it.

His exaggerated breath, and his world would stop thinking what drove him to even write her. Could he say he sat here thinking this would happen but not like this. If he was to admit it was something sexual when it truly wasn't. He sat in the leather chair behind, thinking of rain on his head, wetting his entire body if that meant a letter would get to her. 

"You don't know me, I wish we could just fuck instead of you trying to get involved."

Seth on the other hand, that's all he knew how to do. Get too involved and he might get hurt trying. Brooke's hair got pushed behind her ears, how he saw her, these sad eyes, again are just red. Shes asking to be bothered mentally and something between her, to breathe her and his touch to drive her insane. Nothing makes sense, to her that was okay.

_I never got my chance with you._

A mission, from the beginning and perhaps set him in to release some stress. 

_It's not fair._ He said. He could have this perception about a female's beauty being changed from another man. She knows it hurts physically to have been so damaged in this sense. This wasn't knew, she said to him in this cold room. Some part of humanity slipping because her lips are against his. His head was on straight but the darkness in her showed. More than any hunger but he didn't her get too close..

"I don't how to help you if you don't want to be helped. I can't help myself but to think what he does to you. How this doesn't make me feel right driving myself in your own world."

"Would you have me lie about my life then for you to find out the truth too late?"

"Excuse me?"

"Would you have enjoyed me lying to you? Something more typical or cliche, that I have the perfect husband and kids or some bullshit."

"You could have told me when we first met -" 

"Tell you what? We're strangers, with serious sexual tension and you so happen to know my background. That's it."

Seth just hazed, he hissed, he'd scoff and have her still standing to state the obvious about her. Did he want to do that some more or just give in. 

"What would you expect from me? When you know there was only two things."

He could only like her or only want to fuck her. Not the expression or words that give off he needs to understand her. She doesn't have time for that.

"Knowing now, has me thinking, fucking you would only make me want to do it again." He stood facing away and his glass touches his lips as he breathed. "Knowing I'm going to like it and you."

Is it sad that a tiny streak of relief was flooded through him, his body being touched by her and he meant what he said. Was it something, one late night he'd talked to her ghost or something. Knowing if they met again this is what she'd want. In her head she'd have to remember Seth wouldn't forget her, wouldn't stop trying to get in her fucked up, perplexing life.

"I'm not sure what makes any of that wrong. Something I've been dong for years and you don't see me bent out of shape."

Deep down, she doesn't show it, Not to anyone, not even to herself. So let her use sex to cover up the possibility. He would just breathe, it's so quiet and she wish her ears was being filled with something better than his possible regret.

"I don't understand. Is it that you're scared of wanting to fuck me, save me and you might fall in love?"

Her hands, the fingertips, ran on the back of his neck before he could hear walking out into the hallway. "Or it seems you're just scared of pussy."

Her eyes are hooded, she was in no place to drive back to her place in her condition. Was Seth going to offer hospitality like she did in Seattle. This warmth, she had was just overshadowed from her darkness and Seth trailing behind her was going to be the start of something bad. 

Emotional on her part but it's getting driven away while he grabbed her wrist , back into his study and this pretty broken hearted girl was placed on his desk. He pushed everything off in one big motion of his arm, the pink dress that showed some of her , inviting ways and her legs are wrapping around his body. He knew this was a rush, a rush of not letting _pussy_ run away so easily, of knowing this would have happen eventually, to hence his own will. His intent of his hand pressed against her sweet spot and her body arches.

She arches in need, for the wrong this and she leans to her right cutting off the lamp. It's dark, exception with light coming from the hallway but no windows are here to glare. Her if she could think someone would see. Brooke didn't even want to look at herself. She traced her hands, gripped his head when his tongue is crashing inside her. This wildly, frantic sense, he's unbuckling his pants and only wants to be freed. She feels her panties rip, and moans from a hurtful press of his hands on her thighs. 

Her reasons of being driven to lust in the dark was a thing. His hands were touching bruised thighs, and she didn't want Seth to know she likes it. Like the fact he put more pressure on already marked pain. Her husband was bruising in places a dress could cover. The exact words twisted in her brain that no one would want her knowing this power he had on her. 

_She needed this._

_That was what she told herself. Seth mouth is open, against hers and his thrusts hitting her hard and her hands caress his lower naked half. His fingers brush over clit, touching her sensitive hairs above it and he's into making her feel so much at once. He felt wrong, if this was a situation he'd been in not knowing about her being married, he would still feel the same._

Can't you tell, how she wrestle with his shirt to come off, Have it open and she licks his neck sending in deeper into her wetness. In the dark you can't see her neither of their gazes lustful and wrecked for them to let their screams bounce off the walls. He''s not claiming anything. He sinks inside her, shudders against each other he hands are pressed on his neck. 

_Fuck me._

She pleaded. She begged, it made her lay her down completely onto his desk. She could see every other man, that she told this too, when on top of her. Her back is sore, but she's smiling, crying because he fit perfectly inside her. She could be crying inside but Seth's wishing to take this dress off her. He insists but she's too much in heat and ask him not to. 

_Just keep fucking me. Keep fucking me._ her hands cup his face, touches his lips with fingers and she can only see his eyes. 

If you could see him pounding his cock with pleasure and a mirror to his right you might be able to see their reflection. Dark orbs of sexual beings, in a fast flush of wet lips that's squeezing his erection. He can pick up the pace of his own accord as he gets rough inside her, she was asking again, more for him to grunt in her neck and scent her sexy scent. 

She sticking to him, and he loves how this feels. her thighs quake, swiveled against his body while she's only asking for to him release. 

_I want you to come because I'm coming for you._ His hips bucked in response. He faces her, hand gripping her face as she was scratching his back. He couldn't muffles his moans and euphoria will hit him in a wave of something he wasn't ready for. He moans, straight from his throat. eliciting reaction of his body getting off this bliss. Attached to some sweet pair of lips that wouldn't own him and now coated of his milky stream of semen in which was his frustrated release. She felt amazing how she'd buck against him and smack him begging to make her shiver. 

It wasn't hard to get him freed from fabric. Free within something so relevant, he could only focus on now and only think about. Two heartbeats and only one with hesitation after.

Shiver past the arousal with skin, of black and blue. She'd eased up, standing to pull her dress down, and he'd turn the light on. Adjusting their clothes, hidden guilt, lustful advances has made them not want to speak. Seth could but he was putting a cigarette to his mouth as he sat in his leather chair. The air, form it's drift of shaken fear within Brooke and she doesn't know what to do from here. Only except to just watch Seth smoke that cigarette. While another is already approaching his lips and his eyes meet hers. 

"You can get the fuck out now."


	8. Don't Cause Any Shame

Brooke was off in her car and she was wiping the lipstick from her lips. Thinking more was attached to Seth's skin or some part of his collar white shirt. 

Gripping the staring wheel and the night sky was alarming in a late night this was. Her stumbled self finally met it's destination as she walked into the store. She needed to spend some more money to drown herself in. Another bottle of something to push out the sorrow from her life. Suck it's poison from her decision that ended up not being the best. 

Rubbing her eyes and she's bent over stretching herself out. She still felt sick, sick in her head and knowing she has never fallen into such sadness. 

So someone can hold her, can someone tell her this isn't the part where she stands in line of the store. She has some more vodka and some more time to waste alone tonight. A couple of times she'd be this out of town on a hedonistic road. She was falling back to that soon. She knew it was possible if she kept on going. Traveling within the endless, grieving attitude of so much arduous pain. 

She paid for the bottle and her pain is only going to get release more as her lips shivered and she saw a couple by the front of the store doors kissing. The shagged haired guy and his girlfriend who's ass was caught in his hands. Nothing they needed most in here without tearing each other faces a part with their mouths. 

Brooke was only walking towards them to get out the door. To have to walk pass that shit and not say something. L.A. brought out the badness in her, the raw sadness of how she was staring at them and it was so much of her type.

_So are you two in love or something?_

She said as the couple was smiling. The young girl, browned skin again someone she claim was the love of her life. They couldn't be anymore clueless as obvious teens. So they proceeded to hold hands and Brooke was acting like she gave a shit when she didn't. 

_That's cute, very cute. So what happens when you both realize you're not in love anymore?_

Brooke insisted they listened. She was mouthing off, a marching song of the dried up scene these two will eventually have to face. The typical fall in and out of love. He'll cheat on her, tell her he loves her and it's all one big waste of time. How can one do things to you, hurt you and fuck up how you're suppose to feel.

But the more Brooke went on she was becoming an annoyance of some sort and not to mention she's drunk.

_You think you're in love now but wait until you're married. Wait until he thinks he can own you, control you._

Her body moving towards them as they just walk out of the store. She stands on the sidewalk, street lights hurting her eyes and she's in a vast darkness. The couple didn't think she was in her right mind so they walked away.

_And before you know it, you're his! Regardless if he's beating you, beating you til' your last breath!_

No one was there, not even at eye level to think she was talking to anyone. Screaming down the street to the couple who have now disappeared. While a few people walked past her staring strangely at her. She could not turn around and get to her car fast enough as a hand was grabbing her and walking her to his car.

She knew it was Seth, as he tried to hold her, console her but she was trying to fight him off. Knew that when she past the corner from his house he was going to be following her. Some apologies and smell of something odd in her throat as he makes her sit in the passenger seat. 

"Come on, get in." He said. 

They'd just sit, feeling like they could black out, too much restless tension is inside them both. 

"What was that all about?"

He'd ask and she'd looked at him crushing him inside. 

"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it." 

"I know you didn't." She kept staring at the bottle she bought. Knowing she didn't want it.

"I don't know what to make of this shit. I don't know what we're doing."

"I know what I'm doing. I'm very clear on how I'm living my life and ruining my life. I can't say the same for you."

She was right. Seth would have to figure that out but stop trying to find her losses in the process.

"Ruined? I don't think so."

"If I showed you a timeline of all the shit I've dealt with Seth you'd be running from me by now."

The hairs on his skin would raise, on his arms and neck, to feel him crackle inside. She was more beautiful then she knew. Beautiful from intelligence and the credibility to out do anyone in her path. Only accustomed to the hurt and not comfort. She would dare to speak or whisper a lie to cater his heart. One she's not sure about. 

"I don't believe it."

"You should but you'll never get that deep in my life. I'm sure of that."

So she took off her heels and stretched her body one more time and she ached. She aches more from not sleeping, not resting than open skin. 

" Why still allow yourself to do these things knowing you don't enjoy it." He said, letting this be his possible last question.

That's where Seth was wrong about her. Her fingertips, trickle his thigh, unsettling him in such a manner. The sun wasn't rising yet, the charcoal sky that she was lighting up taking her in. She would laugh it off but she sat on top of Seth. The area, it's dark, she needed to look in his brown eyes. 

"I enjoy it while it's happening but afterwards it's crippling." She said, playing with the buttons on Seth's shirt. Her green eyes were spreading tears on her cheeks and Seth touched her hair. "It's something you'd have to feel to believe."

"How so? Tell me."

She could see how driven in his eyes he wanted to know everything. It would just past, one ear out of the other like everyone else. She wouldn't think he'd be some form of therapy for ears but more to what she could do. Put his cock to use. Have them both crested in a world of just themselves and he'll be gone from everyone else who knew him. 

Silently. When she sees herself in the mirror she'll say she deserve the pain she causes and what it caused against her. She'll scream but no one will listen behind the castle walls built for her as pushing everyone away. Using them and letting them use her.

"I find myself unforgiven for things I've done and things I have allowed to happen to me." 

A few buttons of his short are becoming undone.

"People I've pushed away and people I knew could care, just like in your sense but I won't allow it. It's so fucking stupid of me. Even to turn away family." 

She had plenty of reasons.

She unbuttons the last of his white collared shirt. His eyes just doesn't look to her. Seth keep them close for a second but he can't help but see her smiling and crying at the same time. Was she only in her late twenties to be this mad. This mad for sex and for everything else a disrespectful husband could do to her. 

It's livid, can't you see it. Her eyes, nose and ears, blatantly red. Patches would make Seth want to kill Mark if he saw what was underneath her dress. Covering up the shame she felt but she knew she didn't feel that in her blood. What would be fair if he was going to continue something with Brooke despite the background. Seth wasn't sure if anything was marked beneath her dress tonight but he didn't want to think of it either.

"It's nothing to enjoy when you realize, the aftermath keeps me damaged. It's actually sad. So fucking sad."

Seth grabs her hands, droplets of her tears, in her eyes he sees through her. "I sound like a broken record but I wish I could help. If only you'd tell me what I can be for you."

Did he have to ask. 

"Be my distraction." She'd pause his almost speaking lips, softly let them feel hers, while they end up being wrecks at the taunting fair of the night. "I want you to keep me while I'm here. Keep me miserable."

Her voice would crack and he would put himself inside her. He would have her in every which way like he has her now. Her lips bite his, she wants him to feel it, draw blood if she could. Taste the way she could consume him now.

"Keep me sad, Seth." She whispered into his mouth. 

He could do _that_. 

He had no problem with doing _that_. 

_That_ would be easy for Seth so he can breathe between her legs. So it's just to suppress this affliction inside Brooke. He could only lean her back so much but she'd gladly have his face in her cleavage while they sweat, moan and his deep rough pushes between her would find them in heat. Again and again.

Until then she could go on her way before his phone would ring again. He's been here before. A world of the unknown, the paradise circus of doing things for his aggression. To waste time and endless fucking for someone when he might go to far.

Of course, he's been there. Plenty of times but those females, or that specific one was more nothing like the weight this sexual relationship would turn out to be.

He's also been here, at his sister's front door wanting her to open up. He didn't want to go home. He looked like he had done too much tonight. Have said too much, broke someone's heart but his sister could always lend a ear.

Especially one after tonight while it's almost four in the morning now.

"Whatever you have to say it can't wait until tomorrow?"

She couldn't leave her brother outside. Like a helpless lost person and to her knowledge he was probably drunk. The first in forever, she couldn't smell alcohol on him. No telling what he has to say now. Although, his look said he needed a drink.

So he stood in the kitchen before taking a seat at her breakfast island. 

He got a mug and waited for her pot of water on the stove to get scolding.

"I'm sorry Rachel. For Brooke's behalf, she was pretty drunk."

"I know but it would be nice to know who she is exactly."

"There's too much to that. Trust me."

"I'd like to know. The honest truth. Something tells me you have your hands full." 

She sat next to him. Filling his cup up and offering a few tea bags to him. He watched how the tea change his clear water into something black, dark and he's lost in a mug of goodness.

"Remember that trip to Seattle, I took a year ago. That's how we met." 

Random to say the least. He'd explain Brooke's approach was like none other and he was mesmerized by those little words.

"What's more to her Seth? I sense something more than just a meet and greet."

"She's married." He said, looking down into his mug again and Rachel hand smacks against the back of his head.

He deserved that.

He was sitting alone and Rachel was in the living room pacing the floor. Seth looked debauched, needed a shower and was done getting smacked again. In the face this time.

"Her husband, I had found out in Seattle she was staying with brother because of him." He was scared and in defense mode from his sister who looked like she wanted to hit him again. "Now, I'm positive he's abusing her and has been."

"I'm not sure if I want to hear more of this. I'm really positive about it."

He'd sit against the window, while his legs shakes and he wanted to use his sister's ears for therapy. 

"So what is this, you're using her? The Seth I know would help her not -- "

"She's using me," Seth interrupted "Not like that, she just wants a distraction and it's not new for her. I take it, she's been doing it for years."

"So you're fucking her?" Rachel stood in front of him and wanting to claw his face off. "You're so full shit, you should know better than get caught in some bullshit like this."

While his hands was trying to get hers from beating on his chest but he needed to try and express his own confusion. Far from his muse to understand what he was going to do and he didn't need her backlash. She stood up to the mantel, she didn't want to look to him but she would be better off not knowing his sex life. His fucked up past with women but this was a whole new level of demented shit. 

"What if that was me?" 

He hated hearing her voice breaking. The sun would be up and then he'd have to be disappointed by his unbalanced self with tears. 

"What do you mean if that was you? What type of shit is that."

"You know what the fuck I mean Seth! So it's okay if I were to get abused and walk around fucking myself up in the process. Would you love for me to that , would you accept that."

"Fuck you!" His hand , in anger, wanted to punch a whole in the mantel behind her but the vibration it left knock her candles down. Spilled wax on the Egyptian hardwood floor, as the room spins and she knew what type of person he truly was.

Seth would be incapable of letting anything change her. In that extent it wouldn't happen, not on his watch. 

"You think I would allow that!" He stepped to her, the quiet room, the sound of his shoes hitting the floor and it shook her inside. "You think I'd let someone hurt you or that precious little girl upstairs." He rubbed his lips, laughing and felt she must be truly crazy to think it. To even let it cross her mind. "This is unbelievable, I'm sure of it, there would be no more of California. If someone decided they could put their hands on you. Or hurt you in any way."

_Do you like her? You must have something there if you're willing to be her distraction._

His head would spin and didn't expect to wallow in the room and he know it's not okay. Maybe if she punched him again, knuckles slamming into his cheekbones and he'd not have to agree. 

"I don't expect you to sympathize this. I just don't know what to do Rachel because yes, I do like her. The second I met her." 

He asked for Brooke, to take his helping hands, but she'd rather have them strongly placed on her body and her throat. 

"Then don't get involved and if you do keep that shit away from me. I rather not hear about it." 

__Why would she do so?_ _

_To think it's deserving and find herself in the hand s of someone who's using her, abusing her too._

Rachel just showed Seth the door. She'd lay in bed and rub Bella's hair to think how this world is beyond deranged. She knew her brother would get out of it but sadly not anytime soon. 

Seth has no option to skip out when Brooke would only be here for a few weeks. Unwillingly, he'd be having her more than a few months. 

So this a triangle of power, disappointment and he should have his head split open. 

The silent decision passes him and in time he will know when enough is enough. Some in the same boat can know why infuse a addictive pattern for most things. Like drugs, alcohol or in Brooke's case it might be all of the above. Mostly, sex. Get this vivid sense everywhere that it's all fun and games. It will stop when she chooses, chooses to end this long brink of self hatred. She knows the different of what's true, what's fake and what might be wrong for the inner beauty. In beneath the tarp covering of acceptance, some broken hearted girl knows her exact fate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 will be up in the next week but there will be no update about it tumblr. Stay on the look out.


	9. Every Taste Declined

Brooke was handling herself on paintings from memories withing a broken part of herself. She's in a illusion, every painful bruise was reminded of painful memories as a child. Let her self crash in Seth's place so often and it's still kept on secret. While no one is her corner and lost of touch. This numbness runs through her and Seth is going to grasp every taste of it. 

He wouldn't be able to leave her pedestal no matter how much he's going to be let down. Let down on beneath her grasp of what self medication for an addiction wasn't going to solve her ways. He doesn't even know his heart is going to get battered from her delusion and her non-essential ways to be disconnected from reality.

Seth was brought into a new wave of a woman who wasn't going to stop. Who wasn't going to spend her days in the mirror staring at her bruises, crying in a dark light when the moon is soft. White stars beyond her reach and he never wanted to listen to such a beautiful cry escape her mouth.

Brooke knew it has gotten way too bad and never thought anything would last. She could see herself in a new beginning but what if she was lifeless by the time she got there. 

Destroyed by someone who doesn't lover her and another who won't ever get the chance.

Past the decision, past the regret, Seth decided to stay. He was just a walking prop in her life and for no good reason he's handed to her in all way ways possible.

Things kept it's simplicity but Seth couldn't have thought this wouldn't be a constant drag. 

_Addiction, like nicotine, a constant need for something bad for you and won't do you any good._

Brooke was keeping him latched. In any place, any time and anywhere.

She had no hesitation. None whatsoever, to grab his hand when he's closest to her. There's this store, that was going to give them a chance to be normal. Shop for something more to cover her body but think Seth had no clue. His fingers was controlled by her hand pressing them inside her. 

His look was sudden, sultry, and this was Brooke filling herself up with what he's going to endure at any given moment. Another few fingers, she controlled within her, and she bites her lips. Her eyes, rather grey today, looking in his hooded eyes loving what he feels. Does anyone see a woman who has someone at her beckon call. The store is not so packed with people but it creates a madness Seth witness to his ears that mumbled _I need you. Now._

A bathroom, locked, with just the two of them in which made Seth nervous. He was stretching her ability to have him do such things in public. Where his name could get out and pictures could get taken. Even though no one was going to be able to get in this room he pressed her inside a bathroom stall. The rush of her skirt lifting and he tears open her leggings. 

A push inside her, breathe her into something new. Things like had to be quick which only made her crave stronger. Breathe in her ear of something rough, tasteful to a feel that she could only give him.

While Seth brought himself to an agreement of forgotten pain she might endure and have had experienced it's a trance of becoming nothing more. 

No hell will come undone. He can take her back home and touch her delicate face and wrists. She needs a distraction, at all times. 

She's putting forth her decision in photographs, remembrance of a time that might be better. Does she fault herself that after she spends days in bed with Seth she cries herself to sleep. She'll talk to monsters in her head and she has convince night tremors, it's all worth it to feel another sting. 

Abuse would wake her into a new person for loving what she does and pain at the same time. Brooke couldn't tell the difference. She shows agony every minute like a kid who constantly needs attention.

Months have passed, a trip to Venice, Seattle and back in his lap was all she needed. Seth in a chair, quiet and relaxing to clear his mind. He was sad to think he wished she'd stayed because he has no way to deny her. Not just yet. A kiss on the lips, since they barely say anything or is it because Brooke shuts herself completely off.

Her words repeat themselves in his head. Seth stop believing in caring and gripped her hair pulling her to the bed. She'll smile, tracing his lip with her tongue. He'll press himself, slowly between her but not _in_ her. He wish he could quit this and finds some way to make her go back. Go back and do this with someone else. For someone to keep her broken but if he could the hands of time he would.

She rushes his clothes off and Seth had to remember.

"My niece is down the hall. I can't do this, we can't, not tonight." He breathed.

If word got out to his sister he had Brooke over and Bella saw her he wouldn't hear the end of it. Brooke was silent, still but not frozen, been like this since she came through the door. Her clothes come off but it's dark. Completely dark and she asked him to not turn any lights on.

"I'll be quiet enough but I need you. Badly."

In the softest way possible she wouldn't say a thing and Seth was able to do the same. She didn't care how she got pleasure she just _needed_ it. She's on the bed and lets go completely with no enthusiasm. Seth would see if she'd order him for something special to do to her. 

She thrives for his hands to tug on something wet and lips to suck her to an euphoria she begs to get again and again. 

It never ends and at least with the small crack of light from his bedroom door she's sprawled on the bed and let Seth have his way. She lost herself a long time ago and with this circumstance she drifts into past visions while Seth is on top of her. 

Listening to the voice in her head that has created a wasted soul. Weeks have past and it leads to this how Seth can no longer see any spark, of no form, inside her. She keeps the lights off for a reason. On her stomach while sweat drips, feels slip always, a havoc has brought upon a fallen frenzy.

A movement on the bed, thrust after thrust and a small grunt from a man's throat. She doesn't say a word, she's still, like her younger self across from her. Why does Brooke see the young girl who she once was knowing it would get to this. A sexual copy, of a copy, and her body has gone lifeless under Seth's touch.

Legs are spread and she's not an actress while her stare is blank to the shade of grey behind him. The wall, solid to her eyes and Seth breathes in her neck. A grope, push, while she tries to dig nails in his back. She can't feel no matter how hard and deep she goes. Yet, she can listen to Seth rip a new sound in her ears now. 

His voice, deeper and deeper like two people in a trance of a lustful illusion. The girl is back, in her head, soft blonde hair and bangs and a little gown over her body. She's down the stairs, looking back into living room. Watching her older self in a corner and glass shattered on the floor.

Mark towered over her and speechless Brooke took another great blow to the face. Like a state of shock, a constant heart break and her pace on Seth went faster. Their are already whispers of sweet nothings and the things she slip that come from no where.

"Choke me, Seth."

A grip on her neck but not a choke. Not anything. The way she's burning up like a hundred candles are lit before her. 

The sight before her again changes while she's lost again. Her younger self forms back to her while a lock twists and her face is in the water. Drowning while being forced, her face is wet, screams of another person to help. How was that ever possible when she forced everyone away. That has already imprinted the damaged that she can't bandage. 

"Faster. Harder."

She bites into his shoulder and he needs her to stay quiet. He can't see her face but nothing of emotion in sex between them seems to matter. 

A grip of his hair and she moans with every force. Every force when Seth thumbs are pressing into her waist. It hurts but she moans in pleasure. The mixture of pain, guilt wrapped up inside and she can't fight herself in this condition.

"You have to be quiet Brooke." Seth breathed.

Was this night any different than the future. Since she'd get herself done and run into the bathroom and Seth is left completely naked with a questionable look on his face. Brooke would run from him before the lights would turn on and before it expose her husbands wrong doings. 

What was it after this ultra passing from togetherness these two didn't feel afterwards.

_Keep her sad. Keep her miserable._

It was a constant mantra stuck in his head and he was to focus to just that. The pace of fucking, the pace of loving all the same. You can't tell them apart. Slow, drawn out and as if they're both stuck on autopilot.

Was this any different when they're both between each other, she's needs the dark and he needs to get off. A scarf around her eyes and his fingers electrified her until she begged him to stop. The dark has it's purpose but did she think Seth didn't already know. He could hint it since the first time she let him _in._

Another event has passed, another day, another regret and she's back into the bathroom. The nobs of his tub turns on and he might hear the sound of her crying. The only vision she gets now is the hue of black of blue. Her black hair tussled and her eyes will get flooded. 

Seth appears tired, tired to the thought that this continues every night. He hates the sound of this and what this has led them to become. 

The water she gets in is lukewarm and Brooke is a prune. Feeling hot, ill and always unsatisfied. The sick feeling has left her long time ago but her blood boils. A pounding headache behind the eyes.

"Brooke. Are you okay?"

She silence his voice. The familiar tone of him while it seems to be drifting away slowly. The way she would panic has just been replaced. The warmth of the water but she looks quite pale. She's an entire sense of something missing. 

"Brooke. We need to talk."

She steps out of the water to not say a word but Seth invites himself in the bathroom anyway. A light gets cut off and he feels hurt to why she keeps doing this.

"We've got to stop this."

Four months in and Seth has to call it quits. Has a psychotropic wanderlust taken it's complete toll on his mind and body. A walking monster who's in no way to function like a real person anymore. A weight of the impractical while she steps back away from him. Her head shakes and she knows she has reached the turning point.

"Don't come closer." She cried out softly. 

"Can you at least turn some light on? Maybe give me back the sheets this time. Why won't you talk to me or at least let me see you." he replies, "When was the last we actually did that."

Point of the matter they've been acting like strangers flushed against each other. She turns the light on on her right. Naked form exposed in front of him while he couldn't possibly be shamed at himself for trying to hide what he knows already.

"Look at me Seth. What do you see?"

He walks out grabbing her robe and she fights him not wanting to put it on. 

"Stop this Brooke. Stop this."

"It's not like they haven't been here the whole time. I was only doing you a favor."

"Me a favor? When I was being told and conditioned to being a distraction. A regretful one at that." He spat but she wouldn't take the notion to cover her body. Not at this point. "You think I didn't know you hiding yourself in clothes every time we fuck is anything new?" 

Her brain becomes fuzzy, saddening while he steps out onto the bed. 

"What do you see. Behind my bruises." She stand in front of him, sinking feeling and inhaling the acceptance that this feels incredibly low.

"Don't do this Brooke."

"Tell me."

Eyes closed, he sighs, mind is dark and closed space. One they've kept themselves in for a long time before his heart might jump wanting to look past marks of another man. Sin on her body and hands that should be thrown off of him in a second.

His hands touches her and turns her around in the front of the mirror. Fingers shake across her torso, thighs of cuts and more visual of her back with livid red marks of non affection. His lips feel teeth into them because his mouth is fighting to not say the wrong thing but not just what she may want to hear. To disregard what was right, to turn her away when he should have but he has been inside her long enough to know what she wants hidden and revealed.

He only says sincerely, he almost fell into this same situation without knowing she's married. A precious pale skin, like his own, despite the sickening view he says she's beautiful. Always have been when he first saw a girl who lit his mind up that he could be seen different than most people seem to assume.

He says words to kindle her ears, to slide a robe over her but to know that she has a body for someone mature. Someone who has been lost in lust, sluggish rhymes of confusion but it wasn't worth it. Brooke knows she sees a distasteful sight in front him regardless what he says.

"This was wrong when we started. You understand."

He says before she trails off down stairs before a river covers her face and she doesn't want to hear him say she's not available to him anymore. Who else would be on her list before she's a walking a line of unclear reason and suddenly unconscious. 

A background of neglect and ever now it's a pattern she's place upon herself. Seth hugs her from behind and her body pressed into the sink before her. An elbow, one side then the other, into his torso but she needs to promise him she'd be okay. 

_I can't tell you how to live but I can help._

She fights it. She writhe in his hands and tears fall, drops on his forearms and he's been here already. He tugs to her and he wish he could lock her in his arms if that meant she wasn't going to continue to destroy herself.

_Don't want to be helped._

_Just want to be fucked._

No way she's careful, so her aching limbs will be healed sexually in force of a blur within hours of her life. Passing by , different beds and sheets she won't remember to think of. Not even his.

Brooke stopped believing the lies being told, she can fight it, she can step away from power of a life drawn out for her. A puppet of artistic source of her soul that can't make out any pieces to a destroyed puzzle. Just once, it would happen multiple times and she lost count. Money falls in her hands but is it worth it. Worth the short breaths and triggers she's only going to experience every time when the switch turns on. 

She'd be in L.A. one more day. For one more cry, against a fault heart and grasping an idea of truth. Brooke is aware she will never be any form of pretty and no form of beautiful.


	10. If She Only Knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I been stressed. I haven't had time to focus on anything but here I am with the update. Finale chapter is coming sooner than you think.

"It was never going to be long." Seth spoke into his cell phone.

The sun going down and he plays with the zipper on his jacket. Another deep breath after another and he sat in his car until a street light has come on. The viewing of people in the venue and his last words of something was that he promised. A promise was always a promise.

"Should I ask how you're feeling?" Rachel said.

"I'll be able to tell you more when I'm over later. Right now, I don't know what I'm feeling."

Something that he couldn't explain. He has a choice and to not kindle something he once have had touch him all over will become something hard to swallow. Once it ends. Once he knows the time has run out.

"I'm months in too deep and don't know how to feel all of a sudden." Seth said with eyes staring inside the building. He's not lost. He's at the right place.

Before another comment. Another saying. He's off the phone. He shakes his fingers in want of another cigarette. He's already had about an entire pack today. What was in his mind to bring him to no relief. Tense and fear.

He didn't need to make it complicated. Seth would step out of his car, walk across the street and think if it's best to turn around. His hands meets his pockets after he decided to walk through the venue doors.

_Just a bit of small talk._

_Just a few seconds to say hello._

_Then you can leave._

With Brooke it was never so easy. Seth thrived on becoming too involved and madness has created a topple of shame. Swimming in his blood that will boil.

Brooke didn't see Seth step in. She's occupied by too many interests.

"How the editorials?" One woman in red asked, armed around her husband and smiling.

In Brooke's defense she hadn't started on anything new lately. Pieces that haven't captivated her to the core. 

"Anything new coming for you by the next year?" By the man, who stated in grey. He hugs Brooke, graceful embrace and that she'd find her new light soon.

Brooke is quite bent lately on every distasteful view and things of the sort can come out in your work. 

She would know.

Signs of no effort could be evident but no way she'd fault herself to escape in her work with no passion.

He eyes dwell over shoulders, more claps and gracious words that past her ears. Every eye opening piece gets a red sticker, so she knows the aftermath will keep her busy in her last days here in L.A.

She never saw him once yet. Not until she'd back into him and anxiously look away. A twist in Seth's stomach and they find themselves in the stance of the comfortable. 

"Hello Seth." Broke smiled. She wanted to look past anything phasing her. Like anything was bothersome. 

The open gaze despite the recent happenings and eventful nights Seth knows deep down her core is more raw than that. 

"I promised you I'd be here. So here I am." Seth said, grabbing a drink from the tray passing by. His eyes wander, her choice from oil paintings and the gold chandeliers taking him by surprise. Since the venue in Seattle wasn't has spectacular than this one. So he thought.

His eyes would look back down but Brooke would walk away. She wasn't going to press or engage. Well, at-least not with him.

_No more than hour._

Seth told himself but as time kept going. If it was just a visit, just a promise, he's settled in continue drinking and Brooke talking to a guy for the past hour. The view of her hand, painted red nails, that touch the nameless man casually. Her eyes would corner to Seth but this was not a game. 

The more she'd give herself in a non intriguing conversation, Brooke was looking to end her night in something lifeless again. To not care, or feel for one night. After the words of Seth saying her was through with her. 

Not that she didn't get it. Or understand but Seth wasn't going to.

Or guilt, swimming in his veins, that makes his second guess everything and everyone from now on.

Her eyes would meet his again when she got outside the door. Through the glass an eye will wink, lips will catch between teeth like they use to do to his. Seth was given another reason to follow her. It's only an alley. Down the street that he'd walk and see her breathless, almost, and the hands of another man that would kiss her entire body. What she feels, more than a constant that is an anxious sad mood for lust. 

The light that wouldn't show shadows but Seth could see. His ears could hear, the breath that convey her emotion through hands touching her inappropriately.

A girl who turned into a woman who built a life for systems within complex explanations. This sort of fill, and cold air that would reach her legs, her neck and hands that score within touch. Seth stepped down the alley to reach these two and grabbing the man by the shoulder. 

"Get off her." Seth said, calmly. Yet his voice has a deepness to it that you'd know it was a command. 

"He doesn't have to go anywhere. Why don't you join, Seth?" Brooke would raise a brow, not phased.

Seth would tell the random to leave again and getting approached he'd shove his hands into the mans chest. Telling him to back off. He was indeed so irrelevant right now.

It was only more confusing, in a preferred order of how Brooke was going to spend her night. Not sure how Seth was going to spend his. He wasn't okay or clear in the head. His way, was the thought that Brooke was his only cause.

Her green eyes that looked sad all the time, that glanced into Seth's that were brown, dark and heavy. This look that brings them back into a misunderstanding. He'd scoff and would rather walk away but what was the point in that. Seth was becoming someone who needed to know, and technically ends up knowing too much. 

Maybe for such a goal he'll never achieve and a situation he should have never gotten into.

"Is it that bad? Is it that bad that you have to resort to that?" Seth gesture of his hand pointing in the direction the other guy was walking.

"I'm not sure if that's any of your business."

"So you were going to fuck him? Correct?"

"I've been fucking you haven't I?"

Did he have to ask that question. Brooke had everything in her palms and used it every which way possible. Anything given for the primitive touch and grasp on her every being it was what she wanted. Been bad since she ever gave in, ever since she decided to stay and develop a shit ton of wreck with other people. Including the one before her who will never _get it_.

Only in Seth's point of view, she was just in his bed last night. 

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" 

The silent hits and the look on Seth's face as if she'd actually ask him this. 

"Excuse me?"

"Who are you to me? Who are you to feel inclined to what I do or _who_ I do?"

All she would make known, another would be as a replacement for what Seth didn't want to continue. 

"That's not fair Brooke." He said. It's becoming a process in which someone, maybe more than one, can't begin to heal. He felt crushed by such comment and to his own feel he figured was she that out of her mind. "Shit like that isn't fucking fair!"

Show me a reason why it would matter? Matter to you anyway."

His hurried movement, that his hand would harshly grip her arm and make her tower lower in front of him. The shadow of how this may be typical for her. 

"So this is what you like? To get fucked, used and while you simply don't give a fuck about your own well being?" 

"Don't give me that." She'd gladly back away from him and the dark sky would glamour her wrong. "Despite getting fucked and used I'm still the same girl you met a year ago."

Indeed she still was. To be called anything as long as she got what she desired. So a catastrophic mess she'd become.

 _She's the one who just wanted to capture a smile. To be spontaneous despite her background. While one got too discourage by his later actions._

Yes, still the same girl from before.

"I don't understand this." He breathed. Nothing was pure for him in this madness and he had to come to surface with that.

"No one forced you. No one held your hand and made you either." Her voice stayed calm and her expression was empty. Brooke stood back against the cold brick building that touches her black dress. The lace across the shoulders feel a breeze.

"You know that's not what I meant. Last night," he says in front of her. "Last night was not you Brooke. I might have wanted to call it quits months ago but I can't do this."

"You can't handle it? Fucking me into nothingness and I'm just a triggered emotionless fuck? Right?" She spat at him. 

If she was too complex, if she was _too_ much all she wanted was for him to say it. 

She walked around him. She'd find her stance again, her laughter would fill his ears and a cigarette between her lips. 

"Every-time my hands got near your skin I feel you fidget. You wince like something had attacked you. You want to fuck away your pain and you never once looked me in the eye." He says watching her, who starts to roll eyes, the way her hand shakes putting her last smoke to her lips. Reminds him how delicate she is behind being someone who claimed she wouldn't be cold or heartless to herself. 

She'd want to make her way towards the cars passing. Down the alley, it's drafty, wet and the light from movement was all she stared into. 

"Look at me, Brooke."

She would if she had great reason. Would her eyes that were going red show too much shame that he clearly would tell her she has no reason to feel. She couldn't bring her eyes to his.

"Bad shit happens. Unforgivable shit happens but you don't have to be a part of it. You don't have to let it continue to this extent." He said, hands touching her shoulders in an embrace. 

"Does this make you feel high and mighty? Wanting to look on the bright side when you've already had me. Just know the thought of whatever else I have back home?" 

His brown eyes gleam and he'd be still but she know everything she said had this structure to hit him. Hard.

"Every time you left I wondered if you'd ever come back. We fuck and then there's nothing else to be said. Is that how you want to live your life? Just like that?"

"You make it seems as if it's so easy. So easy to do what you do and then want to feel guilty." She caught the reason of things, the air was getting chilly and her voice sounded like a whisper. 

"I know people who you can call. I didn't offer anything in the beginning but I can now. You think you're first woman I've encountered with that had issues like yours?"

Little did Seth know she was already seeing a therapist. She distance herself from Mark, she'd always consider but time would take her back. A puppet of some sort, a walking soul of no control and only devastation. 

"You think you're the first man who wanted to offer his charity. His kind support after he's been an add on in my fucked up life." She said, walking away almost making it to the sidewalk. Seth grabbed her to turn around while her hand would beat his chest. He couldn't get a grip on her and her hands would continue to beat against him backing him away. "You've got some nerve to want to feel guilty! You can't be one sided one minute and then choose to find your own fate the next."

Brooke stood by her word. That life didn't work that way. "So I've made your life miserable now?" She only wish he'd say it. "Have I made the impression that I'm some cute girl who's really just some cunt from hell."

Her newsflash that she was one and his only response was she didn't have to act that way.

"Fuck anyone you please but that doesn't give you an excuse to use all of this to check out. To let someone else send you in the deep end." 

"Are you serious right now?" She laughed. She laugh, shook her head while the lights would bounce off her skin. Skin that was used to pain and burn. The laugh of something to some point did Seth think he was inclined to know every detail. Would it reap inside of him and make him want to do something more than follow her down the sidewalk. 

Only for Brooke to pause herself in time to face him. "I know you catch on fast Seth. Why can't you hear the noise your making right now. You want to feel all of this guilt and regret?" 

"You asked me Brooke and I complied. Make you more sad, does that ring a bell to you? Or you're too bruised and fucked in the head to remember anything!" He said watching her hand meet his face. He deserved her hard hit to his face.

He said too much but she'd smile behind her fear. His noise was clear but if he was anything and not what she wanted, would he even be standing here? Regretting every word and action and looking down to eyes that turned gray. Men come, they go and grow closer to a point of nothing. 

Would Seth be any different than some hero. The one with all the answers, the great smile, the passion and the great fucking haircut. The streetlight beam, the people walk past and her tunnel of vision only see shame. Skin pales in the glow, more and more and the night is cold.

He said too much. He'd watched her shake, shiver and just back away slowly. She never asked for much. She thought. She knew it wouldn't be long, or expect it to go on a lifetime because hesitance was in every thrust this man before her made. The second hand look that's given and she's willing to be in the dark covered in afflicted pain that she didn't want. She felt it was okay to be in Seth's arms despite her offer, despite him agreeing in the end.

Dark shadows reminded her too much of exhaustion. She was sore and tired. As always and no other hands she could fall in.

The look of his frown and hands trying to not let her walk back to wherever she'd disappear to. Chilled air reminded her of bleeding numbing pain. Goosebumps on skin would have to go back to hurtful hands and Seth couldn't be a part of her life. Not anymore. His hands touch her skin and she flinches. 

He might have said too much but it was right. It's addictive, toxic to go back to the same hands year after year with a life full of demons and monsters that leave her throat still burning from abuse.

"You want to hate me don't you?" She scoffed. "It's understandable if that's what you want to do."

"I just don't want to see you --"

"See me what? Some girl walking and functioning like a puppet I already am? What more could you possible say at this point?"

He wished to get lost in warmth like something she could remember. For her to see something true, the respect she deserves, the ugliness of something real but she was blinded. Blinded from the mistake her new found _love_ was monstrous. 

"We're done Seth. I go my way and you can go do whatever the fuck it is you want and continue to hate me. I can't apologize for who I am."

"No." He said. "I don't need to hate you Brooke. You're doing a good job hating yourself."

Warm flesh that didn't want to pull away. His ears hear her heel click on the pavement, while the woman, little black dress and sad eyes he got used to would dissolve within the night. 

He only asked she'd stay safe and if anything sane. If Brooke only knew trying was harder than it seemed to be. The girl, who's human and the woman who's battered and emptiness by her side she's left weak. 

Bites and scratches that brings shame across her skin. She's left with the heavy heart and tears drops on her cheeks. Until this pattern of herself will leave her to be dust in the wind.


	11. And You Will Never Feel This Beautiful

There might just be teardrops on a fire. Enough to drown oneself in a bliss of regret. 

He has said his last words months ago before the glistened skin would never make a trace in his sight again.

Does he feel anything when he has to clock out and take time off. This time with no warning, in a rush and time will only tell why he's back in Seattle. Again when the wind pressed his face and coffee nourish his nostrils.

A packet. Papers of sorts and photos. 

Photos that he had taken of him by a goddess who was never loved. One goddess, a man should have never had. One goddess, that parents never took care of. Seth was sitting across from a familiar face. Brendon, a brother who was shaken, eyes puffy and red. A look of lost and sadness and everything within conversation was hesitation.

Seth was listening. Listening to him speak while he barely sipped his tea and they're blossomed by leaves falling at the window they sit by. Seth is feeling whatever that made him take a prolonged scream from his coworkers, even though he is the boss, that has him here again. 

He remembers last words like it was yesterday. Not like he wants to but he's pinned and focused from memory that he can't erase.

He noticed after the photos he viewed, a spontaneous smile he has on his face in these photographs there's more. About a guy name Mark who indeed Seth new. Not personally but glad that he didn't. There's his full name, address, a picture and papers like it's some type of police file. When his eyes searched every word of this paper the concept of this is what has Seth eyes darting at Brendon. 

Like as if he stopped breathing. 

"Is this what I think it is?" Seth asked. "Is this why you say it's urgent I come here just to see her?"

"It's more than that."

"Yeah. You think?" Seth snapped.

Seth wanted no part. His life was better off not knowing even when most of his time, throughout the day and night is spent willingly in sorrow. Now, why on earth would he have to spend as much guilt now. Seth hand shook, with papers in his hands and he couldn't go through this anymore.

"I'm sorry Brendon but I don't want this." He pushed the papers back at him. He was thankful for the long talks, a run through that was thorough of him and Brooke's childhood and all the add ons in her life. The battered life she create with madness and that Seth played a different part in it than most men. "I just can't read anymore. So, what is this? I'm here for some damn gathering for her?" Seth knew better than that from what he just read. 

Seth shook his head and his lower lip tucked in while he could probably blow smoke from his ears. This furious side of him that would only peak ever so often but it's the questions that he has now he never asked. Unfortunately, would most likely never be answered. He had nothing to say but to step outside, light a cigarette and Brendon made his way to stand by him.

"She promised me. Okay."

Seth didn't want to hear it. He was in denial of too much and regretful of things he would've never done with no other woman but why her? 

"She told me after you wrote that letter to her. When Mark was continuously beating her she begged me to make sure you got this. If it ever happened."

"Don't you know where she's been the past year? She was with me." Seth stepped closer to face him and it's a shock to Brendon's knowledge. "I became something like the other men in her life but I'm sure you knew that." 

There's a moment of silence that comes through and Brendon shoved the papers into Seth's chest. He was at fault too, he knew he was, being her own flesh and blood and failed her. Their parents did enough of that to them when they were kids. 

"When it got worse she made this packet for you. I never questioned her why. The police reports I added myself because I figured you'd liked to know. Now you can rip it, never read it, but the last page is important if you'd like to find her." Brendon said roughly. When he checked his phone for a text for the driver to come get Seth and he's yelling again. 

"I don't want this. I can't -" Seth stuttered. 

"What is with you man?" Brendon asked. "If you want closure, if you want that regretful look on your face to pass then you'll let the driver take you to see her." Brendon said stepping closer to the man who was quite taller than him. "I know you fucked her. You think you're the first to be a part of her addiction? She was abused, she let a man control her and I know you wanted to helped her along the way but so did I." 

"I'm sorry man, I -"

"No need to be sorry. You got both sides to Brooke and you also got to see her talent. But let me tell you, Brooke knew what was coming for her. It's hurts to say she loved it because a man with money ruled her. She was stronger than all of this but that asshole implanted in her that she wasn't."

Besides the fact Brendon giving Seth a rundown of her entire life and how as kids Brooke had a dream. She went for those dreams too but with the wrong people.

"There was nothing ever gonna stop her. Not even me, her own brother. I was all she had and she knew that but she also knew her fate." Brendon said, signaling the limo to come to the curb by them. "That's why you have to take this. Now you can let it sit in a box forever, for all I care. All I know is, that you got it. She made it for a reason because she already knew."

Sadly, that all it was. Something to be kept for reason and purpose for some kind and Seth felt undeserving. The rain was coming, he could smell it near and it was refreshing for something he never got. Brendon hugged him, regardless if Seth didn't want to. He started to feel too much at once. It was an overwhelming feel of something and someone he couldn't touch. 

The limo drive to this destination has his heart beating. He wanted to glance at the letter, writing in blue ink and not feel like his world was ending. Why couldn't something of this be as bravery or if he could protect her. Not give in like everyone else and play the victim. When cards are dealt it's his chance to play them correctly. Grown enough to know the difference of right and wrong. 

He didn't want to read the letter. He didn't want to stare at it in any given order. He wasn't ready and couldn't bare the thought of why it was necessary. He knew more than a year ago the reasons why he wrote to her but why did her fate have to lie like this. 

It was an experience of something lucky that someone was just a girl at one point, he was approach by a smiling green eyed beauty who just thought he needed cameras in his face. Brooke was someone who wanted him to smile more and take credit that he was more than attractive than he expected. That's how it was before being _taken_ meant another word for in an abusive relationship.

Before it would have Seth here again, stepping out to his destination in a foggy misty air of a grassy area. He had direction to lead him to where he needed to go now. The umbrella bloomed over him while his pants were gonna get wet, the rained poured something heavy while his heart felt heavy as well.

Their are wishes in this man's head that this could be one big fever dream. This could be a fairy tale of the girl that got away. Not where he has to pace to make sure it wasn't true. That papers he read in front of her brother were false. He only hoped not to have anything end this way but the impact one puts on your life you will always remember it. Won't you?

Would he remember every second. When in the now, he was left of wondering who she was with, what she'd be doing and if she'd gotten away. Not to question whether or not she's still alive. Brooke couldn't stay his friend, or his lover, not after the things he said. Now there's no way of saying he was sorry or that he could make it better. Perhaps, force himself more to create a better ending but when he's walking through a grave-site it's far from too late.

Could he imagine how many were shattered including himself but he knew she never gave into a silver lining. She would probably have written in the letter there's something lucky in her life but it wasn't a person or something she could not explain.

Seth could feel his legs wanting to give out the closer he had gotten. When he gets to the specific row every cell felt like it didn't want to work anymore. Despite her outcome, no one would have wanted it, not anyone, not ever her. Seth thought to himself, _fuck fate_ , because no one's ending should have to let them know ahead of time it comes to this. 

It's what they had after the trip that will haunt him. Fuck a girl in anger because that's her only mission to begin with. Lust and confusion when she's a walking source to be condone for a man's cowardliness. Seth was shutting it out every time between her legs and it never stopped. Only when he wasn't in such a trance but her's was always still planted in his head. He can't let it go. 

His eyes closed, he felt his lips quiver, was it because he was saddened by what he sees or because the cold air blistering his lips. 

She was once a stranger. 

Wasn't she just a pretty face.

Wasn't she just the one who wanted you to make her miserable and sad.

Happy endings wasn't a thought but maybe something else was better than brown eyes turning red. Wanting to water and his fist would form. He needed something punch but nothing was there. The wind would blow and pain would hit him instantly. He can see this stone was still shining, this was fresh looking, since it was an exact five months since he had seen her. 

Did she ever once try to contact him. Maybe for a last word or was she too afraid to. he thought was it ever a blocked call of her crying wishing he'd answer. It's too late for the _'what if'_ questions now. 

He notices how recent this site is, a rose that's black now and disintegrating slowly. Someone she probably knew had been here this week. 

_Brooke Grace Collins, a wonderful daughter, a generous friend and one of the best artists you could have ever known._

_May she rest in peace._

His eyes stared, a weak smile, teeth clinched on his lips but he felt closure. Just like her brother promised. A wreck of feelings when one might have noticed was it going to lead to this. 

Everything he experienced was this intoxicating and over specialized relationship that was never meant for anything more.

Lost in lust and conditioned to be immune to a feeling you can't feel.

When you can't breathe and another's one's body is entirely consuming.

The papers in his hand, folded in the inside pocket of his black trench coat.

"I'm gonna keep it. I don't know when I'll read the letter but I will. Someday. I promise you." He said speaking to a lifeless human. "I promise."

Who had passion in her eyes and richer than energy. He'll remember that, he'll remember pain when tears that slide down his face. He'll remember hating this type of hurt. 

The umbrella falling to the ground because he wanted to basked in the earth smell when rain hits the grass and concrete. His face and neck exposed when his clothes get soaked and so he's away with the unknown. 

His body was done freezing, his soul was done screaming and thinking he done things when someone was doing something hurtful to her body. He should have mind, he should have never listened to the heat telling him at one point in time what he did was right for her. Any sane man knew it wouldn't have been. The hands of time will not be turning back and he'll be away with memories and grief when the light is erased for good.

He was only here to take a deep breath and look past the heartbeat that thumps in agony. 

He just thought he'd see her around but she's dead now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Since my account is no longer going to be active and this is my final decision as of April 2017. I've given up on writing and sharing content online.**
> 
> **I strongly wanted to continue more for this but I think I lost more concepts or scenarios to finish so I think it's best to leave this to ideation. Please note, none of my fics reflect Seth in any way. He was always a mere add-on for which all my fics and concepts were made months before I decided to include him in them and put them on the internet. I don't write anything fantasy-like I always enjoyed trying to make them blatant and realistic as possible.**
> 
> **Thank you to anyone who has read my fics as well. Thank you it will always be greatly appreciated.**


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